Not being suicidal has been worse

[PursuitofWonder]

So I've fallen into drug use for the past 4 months and it seems to have temporarily removed my suicidal ideation. Great right? Nah. I'm still miserable but now I feel even more trapped in this place. My brain is used to suicide so it yearns for a quick way out of sadness that doesn't exist. But hey my doc says it's progress so party I guess.

 

[booray]

Drug use is the reason for my suicidal ideation. I shouldn't have ever gone there.

 

[PursuitofWonder]

Drug use is the reason for my suicidal ideation. I shouldn't have ever gone there.

Sorry that the road led you that way. Truly drugs can destroy. For me at least, being at rock bottom left no room to go lower.

 

[booray]

Sorry that the road led you that way. Truly drugs can destroy. For me at least, being at rock bottom left no room to go lower.

Thanks. You might be unpleasantly surprised. I thought I had hit rock bottom, then relapsed and found an even lower bottom.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

I don't understand how people can live life without so form of medicine or drugs, addicted to amphetamines myself and being off them even for a few days even though they're not really doing anything beneficial is pure hell, plus no drinking either.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can totally relate.
For last 2 months, I've been feeling great and decided to give life a shot. My depression and bipolar disorder seemed to have been defeated but it was just a delusion because of my meds.
I'm still trying to live but boy....it becomes impossible sometimes.
How do normal people do it!? I can't find the answer on my mind!

 

[PursuitofWonder]

Thanks. You might be unpleasantly surprised. I thought I had hit rock bottom, then relapsed and found an even lower bottom. Meth is truly the devil's drug of choice.

I see, yes it definitely could get worse eventually. Stimulant crashes are the lowest I've felt maybe ever. I should clarify a little that what seemed to help the most was PCP, I assume because it's related to ketamine which is used for that reason. I don't view what it improved as being permanent, it's liable to collapse any second really. It did something at least, more than I can say for any pill they've given me.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

I see, yes it definitely could get worse eventually. Stimulant crashes are the lowest I've felt maybe ever. I should clarify a little that what seemed to help the most was PCP, I assume because it's related to ketamine which is used for that reason. I don't view what it improved as being permanent, it's liable to collapse any second really. It did something at least, more than I can say for any pill they've given me.

I never experience crashes with them, I guess its because I take such a normal dosage. Been for 24 years but that rush you get when you take a little more, it gets me through the day without wanting to hang myself. Like I feel electricity in my spine

 

[PursuitofWonder]

I don't understand how people can live life without so form of medicine or drugs, addicted to amphetamines myself and being off them even for a few days even though they're not really doing anything beneficial is pure hell, plus no drinking either.

Once your brain knows that feeling, you won't forget it unfortunately. Then that's suddenly your reference for life, and nothing compares to it.

I never experience crashes with them, I guess its because I take such a normal dosage. Been for 24 years but that rush you get when you take a little more, it gets me through the day without wanting to hang myself. Like I feel electricity in my spine

I'm glad that your day is improved with it! Even when I was taking it as a prescription the crash was awful. I'm fairly certain I have a sensitivity.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

Once your brain knows that feeling, you won't forget it unfortunately. Then that's suddenly your reference for life, and nothing compares to it.

I'm glad that your day is improved with it! Even when I was taking it as a prescription the crash was awful. I'm fairly certain I have a sensitivity.

Ah I know I am very sensitive to it as I feel high out of my mind on the lowest dosage. It's a shit drug and wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but for me its the only thing that helps in uni and life.