suicides
New Member
- May 25, 2021
- 3
My family only loves their idealistic version of me, not who I really am. They think I'm their perfect and religious child. They think I'm better than the other people in the family who are close to my age, but have strayed away from their shitty religion. But I'm actually worse, and they don't even know it. They don't know I'm actually an atheist.
I'm a transgender male, and I'm transitioning slowly without them knowing. My voice is getting deeper, I'm getting facial hair, life is great but then I realized that I'll never look the way I really want to. I'll never have a real dick, so any chance at normalcy is out of the window. I can't even be tall like a normal dude. I'm only 5'7 1/2, and that's fucked. I don't want to be apart of the transgender community. I don't want to be transgender. I just want to be a regular guy.
My job makes me suicidal because it's so fucking toxic, but I made it worse. I make suicidal jokes at work and I realize I should've never let out my morbid humor out like that. I've toned it down since so that nobody would be suspicious. We have a lot of people who are open about their mental illnesses, so I'm pretty sure what I said would blend in just fine.
Hell, I was extremely desperate to grow taller or change my reality, that I went down the law of attraction rabbit hole. I was only in denial. I've always been suicidal, but I've never tried because I didn't want to end up being a vegetable. Now that I'm an adult, I could just do it. I was thinking of using a belt to snuff myself out, like the "choking game" that teenagers have practiced. Some of them died from it. Is that even effective?
I'm a transgender male, and I'm transitioning slowly without them knowing. My voice is getting deeper, I'm getting facial hair, life is great but then I realized that I'll never look the way I really want to. I'll never have a real dick, so any chance at normalcy is out of the window. I can't even be tall like a normal dude. I'm only 5'7 1/2, and that's fucked. I don't want to be apart of the transgender community. I don't want to be transgender. I just want to be a regular guy.
My job makes me suicidal because it's so fucking toxic, but I made it worse. I make suicidal jokes at work and I realize I should've never let out my morbid humor out like that. I've toned it down since so that nobody would be suspicious. We have a lot of people who are open about their mental illnesses, so I'm pretty sure what I said would blend in just fine.
Hell, I was extremely desperate to grow taller or change my reality, that I went down the law of attraction rabbit hole. I was only in denial. I've always been suicidal, but I've never tried because I didn't want to end up being a vegetable. Now that I'm an adult, I could just do it. I was thinking of using a belt to snuff myself out, like the "choking game" that teenagers have practiced. Some of them died from it. Is that even effective?
