Venting No other option, but to die

[hopeless-believer]

It truly is how it is...

I tried to do things right, I tried, but I can't cope with the flashbacks and constant auditory screaming, shouting and judgements...

I called 111 and they said they'd email the MH team that gave made my life a complete hell for the last year and a half...

There's no hope and no way out accept to end myself.

At least then, the abuse then finally stops.
Its been absolute torture.. but I've been driven to it.

My plans are for Sunday evening, I won't be found.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I hope you find peace.

What's your method if I may ask?

 

[hopeless-believer]

I hope you find peace.

What's your method if I may ask?

Thankyou..

I don't personally think it's wise to share the method(s) I'll be taking.. sounds maybe daft, but I wouldn't want anyone else choosing my way out.. it wouldn't be pleasant.
I've failed multiple times on the last 14 attempts, and sadly my psych and 111 just say if I wanted to kill myself I just would, they just say I want attention....

But truly all my life is fear, paranoia, feeling like a freak, like someone's coming to hurt me, with all the flashbacks and voices..

I mean I guess it's understandable with being abused over a 25yr period.

My abusers are off bail today, so it's the better of two evils.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

This is so awful what you've been through in 25 years. I'm sorry.

 

[Jadeith]

Wish you painless journey.

 

[hopeless-believer]

I hope you find peace.

What's your method if I may ask?

I wouldn't do OD, because it's been drastically unsuccessful, despite taking levels that are ridiculously more than what anyone has survived..

Hanging and asphyxiation have also been unsuccessful, somehow being repeatedly strangled into unconsciousness and drowned as a young child into my teens by my family and their friends...

So I've had to take more significant multi step approach, and make sure I'm somewhere I'll never be found..

I really did try, that's what others will never understand I guess...

This is so awful what you've been through in 25 years. I'm sorry.

Thankyou.. yeah, I think I posted a snippet of what happened in my first post a while back...

Its just honestly so ridiculous...
And it's so incredibly sad that these people are never and will never be stopped.
I really wouldn't have got to this dire place if it wasn't for the MH psych team saying I'm a liar for telling the truth, and the police saying that my abusers have not and never will hurt me and that I should feel sorry for them, and it's understandable why they would want to hurt me or kill me... It just literally makes no sense...

I really used to think goodness and truth would always one day win..

I'm sorry to you all, thankyou for even daring to listen to my rambles

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered so much, it's so cruel and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in existing but anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you search for.

 

[hopeless-believer]

It sounds like you've suffered so much, it's so cruel and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in existing but anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you search for.

I've pushed it back to Wednesday, since I need to ensure I've got everything.. and a part of me wants to pass by my abusers home on the way to my suicide point and smash the place in...

Again the police refuse to tell me definitively if they are off bail or not, but I and tied of this... I know everyone will be angry for disappearing and dying.. but they just don't understand.