TheHatedOne
Death is salvation
- Sep 26, 2021
- 2,028
when i think about how much neglected i endured throughout my life from my parents to people i thought were good friends of mine to the closest persons who were supposed to not hurt or leave me. i have big ass abandonment issues but im probably gonna be left by my partner soon even if he says he wont. i can fuckign feel it. it's a cycle: i meet someone-we get along well for a bit-they hurt me and leave me. I've actally fell out of love with him and i think i a ctually love someone else or i dont know... i never know my feelings, i never know, ive always been indecisive from the smallesst bullshit to this.
i feel bad for reaching out, i always feel bad because most of the time i did that i've been insulted or my suffering has ben disregarded (especially on reddit) so since then i always feel bad wen i write and share something. maybe im attention seeking i dont know, its logical since i pretty much never received attention even when i was supposed to but others stood in front of me. it's sad that i'm here (in this world) only to be insulted, bullied, abused, treated harshly, ignored, pushed away and receive disgusted looks as if im worse than a cancer.
i wish i was a true misanthrope and actualy not give a damn and be okay with being completely alone. i tired so many times to isolate myself but i simply couldnt go through it. Instead i'm just a lamb that needs other people but i always end up being hurt and never learn anything. im so pathetic. if everyone else hates me then it's clear there's something wrong with me and this is why i hate myself too.
right now im contemplating if i should write to him, i actually do this since yestreday morning but to what use? that would be for nothing. its okay, someone was supposed to have this role in this world. i was chosen for it. cant do anything else than just accept and go through it.
i feel like a knife has been put into my heart (it hurts me both mentally and physically). when i feel bad, especially on the verge to cry i always feel this knot forming at my heart. i hate this feeling.
im sorry for this drunk ramble. im just sorry. im going back to cry now.
i feel bad for reaching out, i always feel bad because most of the time i did that i've been insulted or my suffering has ben disregarded (especially on reddit) so since then i always feel bad wen i write and share something. maybe im attention seeking i dont know, its logical since i pretty much never received attention even when i was supposed to but others stood in front of me. it's sad that i'm here (in this world) only to be insulted, bullied, abused, treated harshly, ignored, pushed away and receive disgusted looks as if im worse than a cancer.
i wish i was a true misanthrope and actualy not give a damn and be okay with being completely alone. i tired so many times to isolate myself but i simply couldnt go through it. Instead i'm just a lamb that needs other people but i always end up being hurt and never learn anything. im so pathetic. if everyone else hates me then it's clear there's something wrong with me and this is why i hate myself too.
right now im contemplating if i should write to him, i actually do this since yestreday morning but to what use? that would be for nothing. its okay, someone was supposed to have this role in this world. i was chosen for it. cant do anything else than just accept and go through it.
i feel like a knife has been put into my heart (it hurts me both mentally and physically). when i feel bad, especially on the verge to cry i always feel this knot forming at my heart. i hate this feeling.
im sorry for this drunk ramble. im just sorry. im going back to cry now.
