Venting No motivation to live, no motivation to die

[TheBigGuiltHaver]

Half tempted to get back on the meds that made me fully suicidal. On those, I had the motivation to go and do the shit, without them, I'm back to how I was for five years without them, not wanting to do a single thing to live, but also having zero motivation to take the steps to die. It made my feelings intensify so much and while yes, it was a suffering having to go through that same shit every single day, at least on them I could actually feel my emotions for one, and for two, it gave me just enough emotions to actually take action instead of dealing with indifference today. I would probably get back on it but that'd require going out of my way to call people, have a doctor's appointment, have to pay probably close to $200 for all the shit; it's just not worth it, is it?

All I need is to learn how to buy the gun and shit online, finally update my state ID, then go out and pick the gun up but it all feels like so much fucking work. I know this life can't last forever, can't just treat it like it's groundhog day, there'll be a day where I won't be financially supported and sheltered and I don't want to end up fucked over without a place to sleep as I wait for my shit to be processed.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I don't know if it's worth it, what is $200 to you? We all have different values we assign to money and time and emotions and anything else.

It is a lot of work to plan, since nothing can be easy for us. Not to mention anything involving the government will most likely be a headache and take too long. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

 

[Crazy4u]

Half tempted to get back on the meds that made me fully suicidal. On those, I had the motivation to go and do the shit, without them, I'm back to how I was for five years without them, not wanting to do a single thing to live, but also having zero motivation to take the steps to die. It made my feelings intensify so much and while yes, it was a suffering having to go through that same shit every single day, at least on them I could actually feel my emotions for one, and for two, it gave me just enough emotions to actually take action instead of dealing with indifference today. I would probably get back on it but that'd require going out of my way to call people, have a doctor's appointment, have to pay probably close to $200 for all the shit; it's just not worth it, is it?

All I need is to learn how to buy the gun and shit online, finally update my state ID, then go out and pick the gun up but it all feels like so much fucking work. I know this life can't last forever, can't just treat it like it's groundhog day, there'll be a day where I won't be financially supported and sheltered and I don't want to end up fucked over without a place to sleep as I wait for my shit to be processed.

I'm not sure what meds you are looking for, but there are cheaper options online. You can also ask your pharmacy to call your doctor and refill the meds on your behalf. Some pharmacies deliver to your house (if you live in the US)

 

[Hollowman]

I'm pretty much in the same spot it fucking sucks. I don't believe the quacks know what their doing and I'm tired of being a guinea pig.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are going through this, I know that it is awful when you are unable to live but at the same time you are unable to die. This life can just be so tiring and depressing. I wish you the best in whatever happens.