no idea if this is a good idea or not

[rorosbones]

my therapist has been on medical leave for the past month, and just got back this week. i have an appointment tomorrow. i don't know why, but part of me wants to talk about my suicide plans. i keep wondering how they'd react if i mentioned the research and planning and talking to people in spaces like this.

i don't know if i still want to kill myself next month, but what if i tell my therapist and that ruins any opportunity i might have? and if i chicken out and don't end up attempting, then there won't be anything to talk about. i feel insane. obviously telling a therapist that i have plans to kill myself is going to ruin those plans. why am i even considering this?? i thought i already decided i couldn't be fixed. why do i still want to try after so many years?

 

[rorosbones]

i told them. not about being here or anything, but i talked about having vague plans to kill myself. they asked if i needed to be hospitalized, i said no, they switched me to more frequent appointments. they also told me to tell my family. i don't know if i regret this or not

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

if you tell them about concrete plans they might involuntarily admit you, so I would avoid that. But there's therapists that handle this more gracefully if you for example make a pact with them to not do it for x weeks or months... obviously I don't know your therapist.

 

[rorosbones]

if you tell them about concrete plans they might involuntarily admit you, so I would avoid that. But there's therapists that handle this more gracefully if you for example make a pact with them to not do it for x weeks or months... obviously I don't know your therapist.

i know my therapist wouldn't involuntarily do anything, and they reminded me of that while we were talking today. they've said they trust me and if i tell them i'm not in danger, they won't do anything. i'm thankful they're understanding about it and don't immediately assume i'm killing myself tomorrow or something lol

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

That sounds good, although I meant if you told them about a concrete plan as in "Im gonna CTB on Friday". Not sure which country you are in but in many countries they would be obligated to admit you in that case. And the involuntary psych wards are really not a great place to be, anywhere, from what I've heard (and witnessed myself). If anything a self commitment that is planned with with the therapist and psychiatrist is what I would recommend. Those can really help.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

My hot take is that you were angry (or maybe just annoyed) with your therapist for going on vacation (CTB attempts & threats go up for patients when their therapists go on vacation), and this was your way of expressing it.