BitterlyAlive_
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- Dec 8, 2020
- 2,394
The past week has been really terrible, especially the past few days. I've been having breakdowns every single day. I'm terrified all the time. Things in my life are getting worse and I can't cope with it. I really, really want to die. I was so tempted to take my SN and get it over with when I was home alone for a couple of hours earlier this week. Guess I'm glad I didn't because I don't want to traumatize anyone, I want to stick to my plan. But this pain is so unbearable. I can't take it.
People keep saying I need to go to the hospital but they really don't understand that'll make things so much worse. Going inpatient will not address my problems in life, all it'll do is give me trauma, shame, a wicked cocktail of meds, and an obscene amount of debt. It's not a good option at all. I don't need that, I need help and support from people in my life. My therapist refuses to help me at all because I won't go to the hospital. They refuse to listen to what I have to say when I'm trying to be honest, it just gets turned back around and I'm accused of being too negative, resistant. I was literally told that what I'm going through is nothing. I don't know if I can see someone else because of my situation and tbh I'm tired of trying to find someone to listen. I don't have the energy or motivation to just start being my own therapist or anything. In the past few days, it's been hard to do anything but lay around and just cry.
I just want everything to be over. I'm just fucking falling into an abyss right now and there's nothing I can do. I can feel another breakdown coming on and I just woke up 20 minutes ago. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I can cry or anything because now people at home are trying to talk to me about inpatient psych. I wish I killed myself earlier this year :(
People keep saying I need to go to the hospital but they really don't understand that'll make things so much worse. Going inpatient will not address my problems in life, all it'll do is give me trauma, shame, a wicked cocktail of meds, and an obscene amount of debt. It's not a good option at all. I don't need that, I need help and support from people in my life. My therapist refuses to help me at all because I won't go to the hospital. They refuse to listen to what I have to say when I'm trying to be honest, it just gets turned back around and I'm accused of being too negative, resistant. I was literally told that what I'm going through is nothing. I don't know if I can see someone else because of my situation and tbh I'm tired of trying to find someone to listen. I don't have the energy or motivation to just start being my own therapist or anything. In the past few days, it's been hard to do anything but lay around and just cry.
I just want everything to be over. I'm just fucking falling into an abyss right now and there's nothing I can do. I can feel another breakdown coming on and I just woke up 20 minutes ago. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I can cry or anything because now people at home are trying to talk to me about inpatient psych. I wish I killed myself earlier this year :(
