I been suffering for over 10 year and tried to ctb many times. I wish people would not stop me. I live in physical pain 24/7 and just want a way out. Even my own mother told me to try harder to ctb. Im so lost and done.
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That doesn't sound good with regards to your mother, do you have any other friends/family?most of family have walked away or i walked away from them. i have online friends but i feel like a burden on themme too, my mom still cares a lot but it just makes it harder tbh, I just have to pretend I'm all okay, everyone else I've pushed away. I'm even a bad internet friend, I don't answer messages if I can't be asked lol but then I get all manic and have to talk
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,726
Was your mother being supportive of your choice to end your physical pain, or was she being, shall we say, unkind?she only cares about things affect her, she doesn't care about me and how i feel. She blames me for everything. She knew i was self harming since i was 12 and never did anything as she thought i was doing it for attention. She didn't care last year when i tried to ctb by cutting my arm wide open, i needed surgery to put it back together and she never asked if i was ok.I kinda understand that, I burnt myself and it got infected after 3 days of trying to hide it, when I mentioned it my dad said "Oh for fucks sake" and begrudgeingly took me to the hospital, didn't say a word for daysIt sucks, my mum doesn't even believe me about being abused she says they are just stories. My rapist who is my brother moved to the same town i live in 2 years ago and everr since then the urge to ctb has gotten so strong, i promised myself i would move house before deciding but the urge right now its so highI can't imagine the pain you're feeling, I've never had issues with sexual assault but it disgusts me and the fact that he's so close and apparently quite cavalier about it makes me angry. Have you spoken with any other family members about this? (if there are any), also I know it's a cliche but could a counselor or therapist help? Do the local authorities know?
anyway that all sucks I hope you can find peace one way or anotherI have a community team, who look after my care. As im under a pretty live time support package due to my health. Im trying to move but its so hard when you just want to ctb right nowI'm really sorry that life brought you to this point, it must be hard for your mother to say such words to her kid. I'm here whenever you want to talk.I once asked my dad for help, and he told me every time they come to visit and i could control my ptsd. After this, i cut him basically out of my life. my nan wont speaks to me as my cousin took her own life in 2017 and she cant face me knowing i might end up the same way. its even harder because my cousin told me when we where teenagers about her being abused by one of mine other cousinand i dont know if anyone knows and now i hold that burden and that eats me up inside.Holy shit, you have to tell the police or someone, even if you plan to ctb just as a final fuck them to the people that did this. If it's on record and you ctb too...there'd be a nice reason at least, I mean I'm not saying ctb to hurt them, but if you are gonna anyway I'd file some kind of report before thats just me lol
Pryras
Last hope
- Feb 11, 2020
- 630
First, welcome and we're all here for you if you need to talk it out. Surviving attempts can be traumatic and I understand it. I'm sorry your mom ever said those words to you. My survived attempt caused so much financial damage my mum told me to make sure I "do it right" next time....thanks mum.
I was in the middle of a panic attack just now and I ran back to my safe space on this forum. I'm okay, and I'm here to listen.thank you its nice to have a place where people get whats going on in my head, i have lost 2 members, 1 ex partner and 1 friend who ctb since 2016 i just want to join them and have this pain stopi decide to od and self harm to get through this patch i dont know if i will ctb but if i do i dont care i will post later what happens
LosinIt20
What’s the point in living if you can’t be alive
- Mar 8, 2020
- 50
If you keep reading threads you'll find the right way to CTB . Good luck to you
Jumper Geo
Life's a bitch and then you die.
- Feb 23, 2020
- 2,910
Sorry to hear your in pain and I hope you can find peace, If my mother said that to me I would say fine I want to hang myself and you can kick the chair away. Nothing like team work and write a secret suicide note and post it to the Police to get her banged up for 10 years.
Beautiful_Disgrace
Invisible shadow
- Mar 8, 2020
- 134
Welcome, and I'm sorry to hear that you're in so much pain. I unfortunately know the feeling. I've always been depressed due to an abusive home, but suicide has been on my mind since my fiancé killed himself 10 years ago.
I also just joined, I look forward to finally being able to talk about my pain with people who know what I'm going through.
Jumper Geo
Life's a bitch and then you die.
- Feb 23, 2020
- 2,910
Very sorry but you should be able to rely on your own mother for a bit empathy.
Very sorry but you should be able to rely on your own mother for a bit empathy.oh non of that from my mum, everything is about how it effects her she dont care abouot how it effects meSimilar threads
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