Hi all. The reason I struggle so much with life is because I can't make friends or have any relationships and so I spend my life alone a lot of the time. Talking to people is too difficult for me as I have no self-worth whatsoever. I've had a fair amount of therapy but I cannot change the way I am. So, that's my reason and what I would love to change.
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k75
L'appel du Vide
- Jun 27, 2019
- 2,547
There's nothing I can change to make that happen.
LostInSociety
Member
- Oct 8, 2020
- 19
Pho3nix
Wishing for eternal sleep
- Oct 20, 2020
- 398
Getting my good health back but that will never change. That ship has long sailed.
goodbyebunny
</3
- Oct 19, 2020
- 105
I feel like regular recovery is out of the picture for me. Just feels hopeless. I keep relapsing, no matter how much love and support I get from family and friends. I wish my ego could just die (my sense of self). I wish I could lose my sense of who I am and wake up with a new personality inhabiting my body, with no sense of my past self. She would make much better use of it than I can, considering I hate myself so much.
MiseryLovesMyCompany
Arcanist
- Oct 8, 2020
- 482
Going back to the beginning of July with my current knowledge. It would be so nice just waking up from this nightmare. Things would get worse even in that case but there are a few things I could change and avoid. It's too late now. I failed.
It's not even guaranteed that I wouldn't have ended up here later anyway, but things would look a lot brighter than now.
I feel like time stopped for me, and my current life feels like I'm living in a nightmare and I don't understand how things could got so bad.
I want it to end and I can't see any other way right now.
TheGoodGuy
Illuminated
- Aug 27, 2018
- 3,069
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,791
Yes only that could heal all of us. Best answer . I miss being a kid and believe in magic and believe the world was a magical place.
PressEnterToExit
How soon is now?
- Oct 19, 2020
- 234
I wish I had a normal sex life, friends, and all that.. But I'm 26 and I've been alone since 20. I'm intelligent and good looking but I can't connect with people. I'm gay and I don't usually feel attracted to others gay men because they are slightly feminine just like me, and dating bisexual ones is pretty difficult. Apart from that, in the case of having a normal sexual life, I still have that big problem to connect with the rest. I find most people so empty that I prefer to stay on my own... But I'm bored of spending time just on my own. I'd like to meet friends with my same interests and very open minded, people into good literature, books, films, music.. Fun and nice people. But all the people I've met during my whole life are not like that. Life doesn't make sense when you are never happy, when you don't get essential things like love and fun.A compatible person to survive and enjoy life with. but still CTB if the money and health runs out. Either way, we're not living forever--unless vampires bite us. :)
Deleted member 15256
Member
- Feb 18, 2020
- 55
It seems silly, but rn... Have someone by my side.
TheGoodGuy
Illuminated
- Aug 27, 2018
- 3,069
I agree, I had none of my dozen of physical and mental illnesses, I had a ton of friends and so many hobbies, passions.
And I too miss the magical feeling like being ignorant and naïve is truly bliss it felt so magical to believe in Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy and other magical beings, and that feeling for the 24 days until Christmas Eve felt like every day for those 24 days were sprinkled with magic and waking up too see the ground outside covered in a thick layer of snow along with the roof tops, trees etc. was the best feeling ever and I couldn´t hardly contain my excitement and happiness and it all felt so magic.
And again ignorance is bliss, one night my dad even carved a big Z on the wall on our house outside at the lower cement because he knew we loved Zorro and we truly believed Zorry had come to visit us we were so blissfully happy and excited. I would give anything to be a child again every day was so fun and exciting.
He wasn´t lying
NightmareTour
Specialist
- May 13, 2020
- 398
Even if I could fix my health and erase this past year, it wouldn't make the world any better of a place. I think it would still happen eventually
nerve
fat cringey shut-in
- Jun 19, 2019
- 1,013
Welcome to SS, sorry you're here
Early trauma & bad upbringing makes it probably impossible for me to trust anyone. I want to have rewarding relationships with other people and the loneliness is literally killing me, but my brain doesn't want it and I can't get it to change. Its torture sitting here watching other people get to have friends and family and partners while I can't manage any of it.Thanks for all your replies. I especially relate to you nnnerve. I spend all my time alone, no contact with family, no friends, and definitely no partner. People meet me and think, hey she's confident and nice but I seem to only be able to speak in soundbites. I seem to have no interest in conversation, even though I crave meaningful relationships. I bet most people who CTB are lonely people in some way. It's not as easy as joining a group. I think I've learnt that to feel connected to people, you need to share things - basically your life. Part-time friendships don't do it for me.
But I can't form relationships due to extreme fear of rejection. And plus I don't like talking to people anyway, I find it exhausting and can't keep up with chatty people. I'm always two sentences behind and not really listening. I think what would make me feel better is having other suicidal people around me so we could work through it together.
Thanks for listening and sorry you are all here. It's rubbish.
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,791
I know, the day I discovered Santa didn't exist I was so sad lol . At least we lived in better days than these kids live these days.
TheGoodGuy
Illuminated
- Aug 27, 2018
- 3,069
Yeah I was born in the early 90´s and I feel like people born in the 90´s were the last generation of kids who would have it as good as I had it in childhood it was the perfect balance between technology and having fun without it and the html social media back then was so customizable and innocent, no likes or stuff like that, the internet was also so amazing and innocent in the early stage, and I can´t stand smartphones, internet should never have been on cell phones I remember sitting with friends a few years ago when I had some and they would just take out their cellphone and start scrolling Facebook they might as well have been sitting with a laptop and people everywhere look like zombies just starring at their phones without watching their surroundings.
And I live in Scandinavia and we for the first time in my 26 year old life didn´t get any snow at all last Winter and I was so looking forward to it but even the previous years we got so little snow I feel sorry for kids today that will never experience having lots of snow in winter I mean how can you even be in the Christmas Spirit without snow it´s one of the most essential part of Christmas imo and kids today won´t experience snow free days from school.
I may be on a suicide forum but I can honestly say I am thankful for having had such a good childhood and before technology took over and the climate changed.
Good4Nothing
Unlovable
- May 8, 2020
- 1,860
It's not silly at all.
Deleted member 17949
Visionary
- May 9, 2020
- 2,238
Øystein
Can't cope
- Apr 24, 2020
- 81
Desdemona
Member
- Oct 14, 2020
- 88
My chronic pain going away and a guarantee that if I ever get severely disabled again it'd be terminal
InterstateFlowers
Experienced
- Apr 16, 2020
- 235
I'm pretty sure if I never remembered any trace of my childhood and it's trauma, I'd never be on this forum. A lot of my depression and anxiety stems from bullying, intense elementary school stress, and memories from when I was small. My medicine worked really once for middle school and my freshman year of high school and I was taking all AP classes, had A's in all of them, and dreamed going immediately going to state college.. I think I got too used to it and it stopped working my next year of high school. I was suicidal about the smallest things, started cutting, and cried all the time. I'm coping with it but my depression makes it easier to stay a failure. It feels so much harder and difficult and I want it all to stop. I'm supposed to overcome this and be strong but it's so hard..
Sinkinshyp
Paragon
- Sep 7, 2020
- 947
Welcome to SS I'm sorry for the journey that brought you here. For me- I've had depression & anxiety since I was at least 12. But when my son was alive I was able to LIVE the happiness and being mom over wrote the depression.. my son died 3 years ago in a car accident than my younger son turned 18 and moved out 3 months after he turned 18 almost a yr and a half to the day his brother died. I want my kids.. I died with my older son. I'm supposed to go stay with my younger son as soon as I can come up with the money to do so. If I can get to my younger son and spend time with him fixing our relationship I destroyed in my grief it's something to keep going. Without my kids I am nothing.. I spent my entire life being a single mom
I have lots of facebook rfiends- no real ones to speak of
Pho3nix
Wishing for eternal sleep
- Oct 20, 2020
- 398
What I have is unfixable. I was born the wrong year in the wrong family and wrong country. My genetics are also wrong so my health is shit. Only death will fix this mess.
Xocoyotziin
Scorpion
- Sep 5, 2020
- 402
SuicidalSymphonies
I think I'll take a dirt nap.
- Oct 13, 2019
- 1,028
Being able to bring @Dartz back, so I can continue to envision our future..
fluffymuffin
Member
- Oct 11, 2020
- 48
I relate to that. I've always wondered what would it be like to live in a country surrounded by nature and a supportive community, being surrounded by people who would rather live their life according to what their culture tells them to do is honestly suffocating. I can't escape this life no matter what I do.
Conker
Specialist
- Oct 22, 2019
- 351
Spiritual eradication being effectively solved, and an entirely new system based on complete clarity, respect and true love. Such a world would ensure that the maximum collective potential becomes fully realized.
All of the vampiric parasites getting killed off and no pollution. I doubt that will ever happen though and since I don't trust this cold retarded universe, I will be departing from it all soon. I've yet to find any real hope regarding the big picture of things.Last edited:I thought maybe if I had someone. But then I tried to ctb and found my husband in the hospital. So now I'm suicidal and married.
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