New here! So desperate!

[Ambien addict]

Hi! I finally got on here! I am sooooo desperate for a way out. Was addicted to sleeping pills for 25 years! Cold Turkeyed off. SEVERE damage mentally and physically! Tried to CTB 3 times in the last 5 months with more pills. Ended up in psych wards 3 times. No owe 70 thousand dollars in med bills and about to be homeless. Drug withdrawals ARE torture! Severe OCD, depression, insomnia, akathisia ...am agoraphobic! Haven't gotten dressed or left my house in one year! Can't even get supplies to CTB unless I order online

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Welcome to SaSu!

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[Dante_]

Welcome to SS

Im so sorry for all that you've been, lately I've been thinking about how the series of events in life unfold and cause so much suffering with no way of knowing if it'll ever cease or change for to some degree, its truly tragic with millions of lives out there just barely hanging on, to anything yet relief never comes. You are supported here.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so unbearably, it's all so terrible and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering and torture in existing, I really understand just wanting to be gone, all I want is to never suffer again, I wish you the best, I hope you find the relief you search for.

 

[Ambien addict]

Thank you. Been lurking for MONTHS. Crying while reading this. So afraid of messing up again. I only have access to meds. So peaceful until I woke up in ERs 3 times and psych wards. My parents are taking care of me for now. They are both now old and in hospitals. I was beautiful, fun, had a great job....got sicker and sicker..spend 24 hours a day trying to find a better way to CTB than my past Trys. These all seem so complicated. Just want to take N and sleep. If I fail again, I can't even go back to psych ward. I owe them all money.
I have done SO much damage with 3 failed attempts that I can no longer function (between that and the drug abuse). I am so jealous of people that can go to a store. I would have to do this in my house...don't have heart to do it at home again. Afraid of what will happen to my family. But I am AFRAID to leave my room most days. I am afraid of heights, and physically damaged from everything.
I have done SO much damage with 3 failed attempts that I can no longer function (between that and the drug abuse). I am so jealous of people that can go to a store. I would have to do this in my house...don't have heart to do it at home again. Afraid of what will happen to my family. But I am AFRAID to leave my room most days. I am afraid of heights, and physically damaged from everything.

 

[Rainork]

Hi! I finally got on here! I am sooooo desperate for a way out. Was addicted to sleeping pills for 25 years! Cold Turkeyed off. SEVERE damage mentally and physically! Tried to CTB 3 times in the last 5 months with more pills. Ended up in psych wards 3 times. No owe 70 thousand dollars in med bills and about to be homeless. Drug withdrawals ARE torture! Severe OCD, depression, insomnia, akathisia ...am agoraphobic! Haven't gotten dressed or left my house in one year! Can't even get supplies to CTB unless I order online

I'm so sorry OP, this sounds horrific and I can't even imagine your pain.
I was also made homeless a few years ago and it adds a new level to the struggles we already face each day. I was fortunate enough to have people around me who could help, i hope you also have some support.
I don't know where you're based to offer any suggestions around your situations to help, but I hope you can source the help you need and that things will get better for you.
My messages are open if you ever need to chat, even just so you know you're not completely alone.

 

[darksouls]

hello and welcome to sasu
I am so sorry you are suffering so much
that all sounds very cruel
I hope you find the peace you deserve

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

Welcome to SaSu, and I'm sorry your life brought you to this point.
I understand addiction is extremely exhausting and damaging. You can find CTB infomation, recovery resources, safe space to vent and emotional supports here. Whatever you choose at last, I hope you are released from all the suffering

 

[dontwakemeup]

That is a lot to carry and continue waking up to. I'm so sorry your life has come to this. I noticed you've been lurking for months but I'm happy you decided to join us. Welcome to S.S. In here you are safe, we don't judge, we listen and if we can offer some advice we are always here for you!