Venting Nervous break down realization

[DeadD]

I'm in the middle of a nervous break down. For days. No matter what I do, I can't calm down. I just go through periods of quiet vibration until I boil over into literal hysterics. My girlfriend asks me of lashing out at her makes me feel better after I expressed that I hate my life. She also said my life doesn't seem so terrible through her eyes. It's so easy for people who aren't trapped in a broken disabled body to say that. Mid nervous breakdown, she expresses how disappointing my actions are to her. Que the rejection dysphoria. I'm now screaming at the top of my lungs for her to go away. I can't take anymore. I can't take anymore negative speculations on my behavior. I can't control myself and the harder I try the worse it gets. I fucking hate myself.
I'm not trying to lash out. I'm over the edge and I've lost control. I don't know how to get that control back. I just want it to stop

 

[MorticiasHair]

wow. first you should take a little break from your girlfriend.
now it's all about you calming down and only thinking about yourself and not what others think or say about you. chat here with others who understand you.

 

[rhiino]

I'm so sorry. It is hard when people show such a lack of empathy. It really is not fair to say something like that when you are in such a vulnerable position.

 

[DeadD]

She came and apologized. I feel so numb. She tends to react this way when I'm having a nervous breakdown. She escalates until I'm shrieking. She leaves, comes back, apologizes. It's really not working for either of us. I really don't want to lose her. She's my best friend. But I'm to sick to be the person she needs me to be when I'm having a nervous breakdown and she's not equipped to handle me. She makes it worse. I make it worse. I don't even know how to proceed.

I've told her about the rejection dysphoria. I've tried to tell her what I can't handle during a break down. But I don't think it's fair to expect her to respond the way I need her to. I don't think it's fair for me to expect anyone to know how to respond if I don't even know. I'm so lost