Venting NEET, poor mental health & feeling like a burden

[red_cardinal]

What are people like me supposed to do? My life quality is terrible, and try as I might, I can't seem to change my situation in a way that makes a big difference. I'm plagued by trauma, guilt, shame, flashbacks, and I internalized so many messed up things, it's making my life miserable. I feel a permanent void and I live my life chronically dissociated.

I feel that I was failed by those who were supposed to care about me when I needed it the most, by therapy, by psychiatry, by my own body. I'm exhausted, sick of medication, appointments, sick of burdening others. I'm wasting my life away no matter how hard I'm trying to get out of the abyss. I'm depressed if I stay in doing nothing, depressed if I'm out and see others coping much better than me, depressed when I try to do something and I'm failed by my mind and/or body.

I would so desperately love for my story to have a happy ending, a nice, quiet, cozy ending, meaningful, and I truly wouldn't want to die if I wasn't in so much pain. Life feels like a joke sometimes, and I feel helpless.

 

[Sedfrg]

In this state, wanting to become better or more "normal" is what really gets in the way of inner peace.

 

[raincandy_v]

I don't understand your situation exactly, but it sounds almost like mine.

I stoped taking all of my pills months ago. Keep them just so if I decide to take them all at once. I quit everything; work, socials, hobbies, and have become shut in. I got tired of seeing people happy, able to go about life, or just not visibly struggling as I was. Made me feel like a failure.

I don't even want to attempt to do therapy, or get on medications again. I just wish I could peacefully find a way to disappear. Feels like everyone who says they care are lying to me and themselves. Feels like pity rather than actually caring.

 

[unloveable27]

If you're a man who's not attractive enough to land a partner there's no reason not to just live off of your parents or disability or both. The few extra freedoms aren't worth it. Hard work does not equal reward. I may be miserable but I have more freedom with my time than most people.
If you're a woman or good looking guy you'll still probably want to take them home to a place of your own. You should try to feel happy that others have to work and you don't.

 

[DeersCanTalk]

The few extra freedoms aren't worth it. Hard work does not equal reward

Sooo true, i really don't get people that work extremely strenuous and boring jobs just to go home to an empty house. Delusion masked as "hope" and "improvement" i guess. Some people really took our parents and grandparents boomer expired workaholic go-getter mentality to heart i guess lmfao

 

[red_cardinal]

If you're a man who's not attractive enough to land a partner there's no reason not to just live off of your parents or disability or both. The few extra freedoms aren't worth it. Hard work does not equal reward. I may be miserable but I have more freedom with my time than most people.
If you're a woman or good looking guy you'll still probably want to take them home to a place of your own. You should try to feel happy that others have to work and you don't.

No, I do not feel happy that others have to work and I don't. It makes me miserable, and I don't have any sense of fulfillment. Not being able to work is just one of the reasons I'm miserable, anyway. I'm not deluded to believe hard work equals reward all the time, but living a parasitic life doesn't align with my values. Also, you're oversimplifying matters tremendously. People don't fall only into two categories and there is no universal answer for one's situation.