Venting my vent thread

[dembe]

making a thread cause im losing my mind, still anxious doing this, but whatever, i doubt half of my rants or vents will make sense cause when im going through it i just let my fingers go wild. idek if im doing this right, tell me if im not, i dont mind comments ever i think.
Genuinely, onna real note, wtf am i doing to myself and for what? to get a degree? for a job?? in a life i dont even want??? torture, ong, its torture, but it kinda feels good, no sleep drinking enough caffeine to kill a small child, bitting myself not enough to break skin but just to alert me back to life, idk why i hate love it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Whether it make sense or not, feel free to vent as much as you want. Even though venting may not solve the actual problem it can help to easy the pain you're in.

 

[SVEN]

At least when you silently scream and bleed onto this Forum you can know that you're heard (well, read at least) and most of us get where you are.

 

[dembe]

im trying to decide if i care or not, maybe, if it happens, its for the better.

 

[dembe]

there is nothing wrong with me, i hope, at least today, I'm fine for now, nothing is going to

is it bad I wish to fucking breathe tho, I don't hate you but my god every fucking step I take you want me to wish you were there and I don't I'm really sorry I don't, but I'm not really sorry because thinking like that is fucking bizarre

but its just love it, its just love, if that's love, what is what I feel? i don't think its love if that is what love is, cause I don't feel that fs.

I'm not evil for wanting to be my own person, to want to be in control of my mind, to be fine with being alone

 

[dembe]

I kinda wanna make my profile on here what i had it as on muttr but im scared ill be recognized cause i mean everyone there who knew me knew i had problems but like i feel this is next level, plus i was very hyper. I am a hyper person, very excited about a certain marvel character, obsessed with him actually, one day ill explain it. Any way not the topic

I mean if you talked to me youd never really know, even at my worse, my core begs to entertain, to be silly, and i like being silly and fun, may come off childish but im not that old so i dont fault myself too much.

Tbh i lied when i first made the account i dont even like dembè that much he is like maybe 20th on the list. Did it out of shame because im so public about liking that one marvel character that im certain the minute i fully commit to having him on here, plus the way i talk, someone who knew me would instantly know "yeahhh thats defo that one bitch". But the profile isnt fully me. but why should it matter?

Idk why i always want to be understood deeper. I just know i have alot to be and not alot of people will take it all in so i just be all i am, and whoever soaks me up and all my weird funky juices (not like that) is whoever does.

 

[dembe]

i cannot feel myself, i cannot breathe, i dont deserve anything
i think im about to lose it LMAOOOOOO, WHAT THE FUCK DO I PLAN TO DO??? there's no more alcohol, I drank it all, on a noday night at 2 fucking am, I have no weed, nic isn't doing anything for me, cant cut, but says who fr. maybe I'm evil enough to do just that. space, ill show you space, lets see how far I can saw my arm open.

I'm not going to do that, I hope, I wish, I pray