My survival instinct unexpectedly railroaded all of my plans.

[deathbecomesus]

I had everything I needed to go. I got a bunch of supplies and had my 'go-bag' for the day. I only needed a few more things before I could take off.

But as soon as I held the SN in my hands, a shiver shot up my arms and it felt like a blow to my core. I was holding death in my hands. The tiny little packet I held in my palm was death itself.

The weight of that spooked me and I ended up chickening out last minute. I got rid of the SN in a fit of panic before I ended up changing my mind again. It only took me a couple weeks to regret that. The SN I got wasn't cheap either. I've found a much cheaper source from a better, more verifiable place, but money is way more tight now than it was a month ago.

I have decided that regardless of whether or not I get cold feet, I will at least carry through with my plans at going to the location on the date I have chosen. And then if it feels right, I'll go through with it. If I decide maybe I could handle another couple months of this, then I'll just delay it. But I'm not going to cancel my plans altogether or waste any good SN ever again.

 

[RedHarlequin]

I remember the day I got N for the first time I was dancing around the house, so relieved..

 

[Seeking_Peace]

I remember the day I got N for the first time I was dancing around the house, so relieved..

How long does it last before expiring? Have you figured a method to get past the taste?

 

[RedHarlequin]

How long does it last before expiring? Have you figured a method to get past the taste?

I think it starts breaking down a bit after 20 yrs or so, but not all at once, and as long as you keep it in a dry cool place and sealed, it will last you a lifetime

Ive had to take so many gross pills in my life, I just associate the taste with that its the real deal. for me it won't be a problem, don't really care. Iva tasted one of the bottles already, so im sure about this.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide can certainly be difficult because of the SI. I think that it can often be hard to stick to a planned date for ctb, I would personally prefer to leave when the time feels right rather than choose a date in advance. I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever you decide to do.

 

[RedHarlequin]

Suicide can certainly be difficult because of the SI. I think that it can often be hard to stick to a planned date for ctb, I would personally prefer to leave when the time feels right rather than choose a date in advance. I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever you decide to do.

Most certainly, I still haven't used my N, for me just the feeling that I can leave any time was such a huge relief. I had tried different brutal methods before, so this was great for me! Before getting it I didn't even understand how people could stick around if they had N sitting in the closet, but look at me, still here 6 years after ordering my first bottle.

 

[london3]

I had everything I needed to go. I got a bunch of supplies and had my 'go-bag' for the day. I only needed a few more things before I could take off.

But as soon as I held the SN in my hands, a shiver shot up my arms and it felt like a blow to my core. I was holding death in my hands. The tiny little packet I held in my palm was death itself.

The weight of that spooked me and I ended up chickening out last minute. I got rid of the SN in a fit of panic before I ended up changing my mind again. It only took me a couple weeks to regret that. The SN I got wasn't cheap either. I've found a much cheaper source from a better, more verifiable place, but money is way more tight now than it was a month ago.

I have decided that regardless of whether or not I get cold feet, I will at least carry through with my plans at going to the location on the date I have chosen. And then if it feels right, I'll go through with it. If I decide maybe I could handle another couple months of this, then I'll just delay it. But I'm not going to cancel my plans altogether or waste any good SN ever again.

Survival instinct is very strong in human beings. Your little moment of panic is completely normal and many people would do the same.

I think many people just need to give themselves the time to think and not to make any drastic decision, only you can know when you are truly ready to ctb.

Please give yourself the time and do not rush if you are not ready, for most successful people the pain is overwhelming and overtakes their natural fear of death and most people need to be in this state of mind to have the courage to go through with it.