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Water-Lily

Water-Lily

Enlightened
Dec 26, 2020
1,203
Chapter 4: Realizing the Situation

"Shit, Shit, SHIT!" I think to myself. As I continue to run down the street my heart continues to race. I cannot believe I did that. Never have I ever cursed out someone like that. Especially someone I know. At this point there is no turning back. No way I could. After how I treated her back there, she would never forgive me. But then, why do I care? Why do I care if I am going to kill myself? With that thought, I stop in my tracks. She was probably watching me from afar. I turn back around, only to see that she has gone. Knowing her, she is going to let my father know.

As I stare into the sky I start crying. Warm tears immediately turn cold with the snowy weather. I fucked up. I fucked up my whole fucking life. Dammit, why can't I do anything right?! Mary, why did you have to be so stupid?! You know you could turn back around and go home but that will only cause more problems. Argh, you are such a fucking bitch?!

Deep breaths, Mary, deep breaths. My heartbeat slows. A booming headache appears at my temples. My fists turn numb and my body shakes with the cold. I have fucked up beyond redemption. I dug my own grave. I have to pay the price. I am nothing but a worthless bitch who deserves to die. Everyone will be happy when I am gone.

With that I stare ahead of myself. The light has turned to the walking sign. Not caring anymore and in a daze, I stumble across the street.
 
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Pen>Sword

Pen>Sword

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
Jan 13, 2021
465
Keep on writing. I want to know how this ends. Hopefully you find your work of fiction therapeutic. Thanks for sharing. This content is new for this forum. :hihi:
 
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Water-Lily

Water-Lily

Enlightened
Dec 26, 2020
1,203
Keep on writing. I want to know how this ends. Hopefully you find your work of fiction therapeutic. Thanks for sharing. This content is new for this forum. :hihi:
I am glad you are enjoying it. For me it is exciting and gives me a rush. Not only does it allow me to express my thoughts but also plan out how my suicide would go down in motion. Though I don't plan to do anything right now this gives me a mental map of what I could be preparing myself for. Its also nice to hear positive feedback too!

Overall I just fear burn out and pushing myself too hard for others
 
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