My SN arrived

[Ready2GoNow]

I thought I'd feel relieved but I don't. I thought I'd take it the second it arrived, but I didn't. Wtf is wrong with me? I have LITERALLY nothing and no one to live for. Why can't I just end my pitiful meaningless existence right now? My entire life has just been suffering on top of suffering. Objectively speaking, suicide is the only humane course of action I could take. Yet I'm still here. I want to die, I'm just scared of the unknown. Scared that the afterlife could be worse than here, knowing my luck. Idk what the point of this post is, I'm just mad at myself for being a coward. I start university again tomorrow. My 6th year trying to complete a 3 year course... what a fucking failure. Maybe that will be enough to push me over the edge.

 

[Ren Elsie Jewelria]

Similar here. I'm literally sleeping on a stash of SN, meto and benzos. And I'm still here, b*tch*ng on the forum like a little b*tch I am.
That's not cowardice. I have stuff to do but I don't do that because I'm too depressed. It;s a vicious circle.

 

[Passerby]

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering and i hope you can make it out.

Also i respect you're right to end that suffering,

Just wanted to post a quote to you saying it's took six years to do a three year course...

 

[Meditation guide]

My 6th year trying to complete a 3 year course

You have incredible stamina and fortitude. Be proud of yourself that you don't give up easily. I'm actually impressed. Some of us just find it hard to quit things. It's been a big problem of mine and one reason I am still alive.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I thought I'd feel relieved but I don't. I thought I'd take it the second it arrived, but I didn't. Wtf is wrong with me? I have LITERALLY nothing and no one to live for. Why can't I just end my pitiful meaningless existence right now? My entire life has just been suffering on top of suffering. Objectively speaking, suicide is the only humane course of action I could take. Yet I'm still here. I want to die, I'm just scared of the unknown. Scared that the afterlife could be worse than here, knowing my luck. Idk what the point of this post is, I'm just mad at myself for being a coward. I start university again tomorrow. My 6th year trying to complete a 3 year course... what a fucking failure. Maybe that will be enough to push me over the edge.

I'm really sorry you're in this situation. As someone who took a while to get through uni too (as my issues started at uni), do feel free to PM me if you want to talk about that.

My SN arrived either yesterday or the day before :)

 

[Ready2GoNow]

Similar here. I'm literally sleeping on a stash of SN, meto and benzos. And I'm still here, b*tch*ng on the forum like a little b*tch I am.
That's not cowardice. I have stuff to do but I don't do that because I'm too depressed. It;s a vicious circle.

I feel you. I can't even do basic hygiene these days, everything seems like such a chore. Pretty sure my teeth are all rotten, rarely brush them and haven't been to the dentist in years. When you put it like that it's probably not very surprising I can't even muster up the energy to kill myself. Fml

I'm sorry to hear you're suffering and i hope you can make it out.
Also i respect you're right to end that suffering,
Just wanted to post a quote to you saying it's took six years to do a three year course...
View attachment 45677

Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means a lot, as I spent years being bullied by my birth-givers for not finishing my course on time. Ironic considering the horrific abuse they inflicted on me as a child is the reason I'm so screwed up now. I used to be so smart and loved learning, now I just can't retain any information no matter how hard I try. Useless in every sense of the word. It's like my brain doesn't function the way it's supposed to anymore... They robbed me of my past, present, and future. It's hard enough being completely alone in this world without any family or friends. Being robbed of my dreams and ambitions on top of that is something I've really struggled to accept. I can't believe I'm still here. Guess I can't do anything right, not even this

You have incredible stamina and fortitude. Be proud of yourself that you don't give up easily. I'm actually impressed. Some of us just find it hard to quit things. It's been a big problem of mine and one reason I am still alive.

Thank you so much I actually do struggle to quit. I'd never thought about it until now, but it's true. I even struggle to 'quit' abusive people who bring me nothing but pain. I can't quit helping people even when I know I'm just being used. I can't quit uni when it's BEYOND clear it's not for me. I can't quit life even though it's just been suffering from the very start. Wtf? There must be something seriously wrong with me. On the bright side Christmas will come around soon and I'll definitely off myself then, if not before. I'll be damned if I spend another Christmas alone in this hell hole of a planet. 25 years old and always spend the holidays/my birthday alone. How pathetic is that? Usually it's old people whose partners have died in this position... Not 25 year olds. What kind of shit 'life' is this? Why wasn't I worthy of having a loving family? That alone would have changed everything. No point wishing for things that will never happen though. I came to this earth to be used, abused, and tossed out like trash. Mission accomplished!