Venting My life is so terrible

[BlueButterfly111]

I just realized that I am not going to make it, I miss Henry, (my boyfriend who passed away) so much. I just want to feel peace and happiness again, why is that so hard? Now I'm dealing with pcos and am most likely going to be on my period for a long time. I took a birth control shot that was supposed to help stop it but all it does is give me constant migraines. I want to end everything but apparently I can't bring myself to do it. I'm so close to giving up and just want to give up. Today is the one year anniversary of the day I found out Henry was in critical condition. It's so painful, I have a memory of him where he said something that made me laugh. That was pure joy and happiness, I doubt I'll ever feel that way again. I'm so close to doing it guys, I can't take the pain and torture anymore.

 

[DivineSpark]

Well, I am bound to satan and his demons. They are tormenting and spiritually abusing me everyday. I cannot talk about this to anyone without being branded as crazy or schizophrenic. I dont think there is worse fate than mine.

 

[Alexandra_]

Well, I am bound to satan and his demons. They are tormenting and spiritually abusing me everyday. I cannot talk about this to anyone without being branded as crazy or schizophrenic. I dont think there is worse fate than mine.

I am also tormented by devils every day. They tear off my skin and drink my blood. They laugh at me and spit in my face. And the next day everything repeats itself again..... My soul and body scream in pain. A vicious circle from which there is only one way out

 

[ElTopo]

I just realized that I am not going to make it, I miss Henry, (my boyfriend who passed away) so much. I just want to feel peace and happiness again, why is that so hard? Now I'm dealing with pcos and am most likely going to be on my period for a long time. I took a birth control shot that was supposed to help stop it but all it does is give me constant migraines. I want to end everything but apparently I can't bring myself to do it. I'm so close to giving up and just want to give up. Today is the one year anniversary of the day I found out Henry was in critical condition. It's so painful, I have a memory of him where he said something that made me laugh. That was pure joy and happiness, I doubt I'll ever feel that way again. I'm so close to doing it guys, I can't take the pain and torture anymore.

What you went through was terrible, and no one should go through that honestly. You can't keep yourself from experiencing that pain of loss, it's an integral part of your experience. You can move on though, it doesn't mean life will be painless but loss can be managed. I get the impression that you're pretty young, your life still has meaning beyond what you went through.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I just realized that I am not going to make it, I miss Henry, (my boyfriend who passed away) so much. I just want to feel peace and happiness again, why is that so hard? Now I'm dealing with pcos and am most likely going to be on my period for a long time. I took a birth control shot that was supposed to help stop it but all it does is give me constant migraines. I want to end everything but apparently I can't bring myself to do it. I'm so close to giving up and just want to give up. Today is the one year anniversary of the day I found out Henry was in critical condition. It's so painful, I have a memory of him where he said something that made me laugh. That was pure joy and happiness, I doubt I'll ever feel that way again. I'm so close to doing it guys, I can't take the pain and torture anymore.

I honestly think it's cruel that we are able to love, them whatever we love gets taken from us, and we aren't even guaranteed an afterlife. Sometimes it seems life is a scam.

 

[Mooncry]

I can't seem to bring myself to do it either, despite my unhappiness and how I know I'd be much better off unable to feel. I'm really sorry things have gotten so much worse for you with your PCOS and migraines. I can't imagine what that's like compounded by all the emotional pain. Just know you're definitely not alone in feeling so trapped.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I can't seem to bring myself to do it either, despite my unhappiness and how I know I'd be much better off unable to feel. I'm really sorry things have gotten so much worse for you with your PCOS and migraines. I can't imagine what that's like compounded by all the emotional pain. Just know you're definitely not alone in feeling so trapped.

Thank you! And I'm sorry about your situation as well:(

 

[The Morningstar]

Losing a lover in such a way is..

It sucks. Hard. And for a long time. And every time that it happens. It's up to you if the highs of it all are worth the risk of losing it again.
I hope you do not steel your heart so that you can allow love into your heart once again, despite the risks.
I will say, it is within you to heal and live, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
I have found that one year of grieving is never enough, and many other survivors agree with me.
The pain never leaves; it just becomes... indistinguishable from the memory of their love.
A soft pain that you feel grateful for.
It means it was real.
That it mattered.
And still matters.
And that you, too, matter.

 

[sanctifiedslumber]

Losing a lover in such a way is..

It sucks. Hard. And for a long time. And every time that it happens. It's up to you if the highs of it all are worth the risk of losing it again.
I hope you do not steel your heart so that you can allow love into your heart once again, despite the risks.
I will say, it is within you to heal and live, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
I have found that one year of grieving is never enough, and many other survivors agree with me.
The pain never leaves; it just becomes... indistinguishable from the memory of their love.
A soft pain that you feel grateful for.
It means it was real.
That it mattered.
And still matters.
And that you, too, matter.

Beautifully said. Can I pm you? It's super important. I need someone.