My life has been laid out for me

[Water-Lily]

As I shift out my priorities for getting my drivers license, I just feel like accepting my fate

Was scrolling through the r/CPTSD subreddit and it was talking about suicide. Doom scrolling seeing the amount of suffering people have. Even those who managed to get away from their toxic families and get good jobs, married, and kids, still admit they suffer with the after effects of trauma. And have to work daily to keep it all together

I don't want that life, but with my severe trauma and more realizations and over 100 breakdowns to come inevitably, I'd rather not.

I don't want this life. I don't want the pain that will happen. No I don't want to "fight" and "be strong". Fuck that. Been doing that all my life and I'm still in pain. Life isn't meant for everyone. Not everyone can live it fully

I hope for the day suicide will just happen and I can be at peace finally

 

[FuneralCry]

It is understandable wanting to escape from pain. Living a life filled with never ending suffering really is so awful. I think it is true that life is not meant for everyone, that is how I feel, I should have never existed in the first place. I also just want peace. Being alive really can be torture. I wish you the best.

 

[SpaceCadet]

I've been fighting for a long time, i don't have that fighter in me anymore, now i just want to rest never to suffer again.

 

[Water-Lily]

I've been fighting for a long time, i don't have that fighter in me anymore, now i just want to rest never to suffer again.

I feel this. I hate being told "be a fighter you're so fucking strong!" Maybe because I don't want to believe I am. But mostly I am just tired of fighting. Being a fighter takes its course and toll. And then they become empty words. And then you say "enough is enough. I can't be a fighter anymore. I have a limit"

 

[Red Scare]

Beating tired bones
Tripping through remember when
I was invincible
Now the armor's wearing thin
Heavy shield down

Warrior struggling to remain relevant
Warrior struggling to remain consequential

Cry aloud
Bold and proud
Where I've been
But here I am
Where I end

[...]

Feel the sting
Feeling time bearing down
Bearing down

 

[nopride86]

I relate to this so much.
So many people just accept things, fall in line, and go through all the motions while still feeling the pain and resentment. Does it ever truly get better? Or do we lock it away and pretend until something finally takes us out?
And then, let's say we do break away from toxic family systems, what next? Spend an entire lifetime trying to recover while also trying to not repeat those patterns with new people? And that's only if it isn't already too late.

It's all so tiresome. Idk if it's worth the effort.
Do we continue to march forward through a life that we can't enjoy until we reach the end, bruised and weary, or do we get it over with and make a run to the finish line? That's for you to decide.

 

[myopybyproxy]

just wanted to pop in to mention that most of reddit is a cesspool and should not by any means be your only or main source of information

 

[Water-Lily]

just wanted to pop in to mention that most of reddit is a cesspool and should not by any means be your only or main source of information

thank you. I needed this.

I have always relied on reddit for everything. News, politics, gaming, etc. Maybe its time I deviated out to other places for support

 

[myopybyproxy]

thank you. I needed this.

I have always relied on reddit for everything. News, politics, gaming, etc. Maybe its time I deviated out to other places for support

It just hit me - so many functions for a single website - you ever hear of quantity versus quality? If something is trying to fulfill all functions, it is simply not possible for it to also fulfill them all well.

Sure, it is convenient - as every modern thing tries to be - but over time you don't even realise what else is out there because your world has narrowed to the same few subreddits.

It's easy to get echo chamber induced tunnel vision (I shall propose a new addition to the ICD-10 lmao) - hell, it's happened to me more times than I care to remember. Do keep in mind that there are also people - perhaps a minority, but they do exist - who have overcome tremendous adversity and live fulfilling lives. I don't mean to say that will be your fate either - I can't predict the future. That's not to say it was easy for them. If you choose to fight, it'll probably be an uphill battle.

All this to say - yes, it's possible, but I don't know if the fight is worth it - I'm trying to determine that for myself. Nor do I mean to tell you what to do. I speak as someone who is standing at the foot of my own mountain, just as you stand at yours.

I do hope that whatever path you choose, you find peace, comfort, and freedom. You deserve better than what your past has been. Your future shouldn't be as stifling and lonely. Hugs if you want.

 

[Water-Lily]

It just hit me - so many functions for a single website - you ever hear of quantity versus quality? If something is trying to fulfill all functions, it is simply not possible for it to also fulfill them all well.

Sure, it is convenient - as every modern thing tries to be - but over time you don't even realise what else is out there because your world has narrowed to the same few subreddits.

It's easy to get echo chamber induced tunnel vision (I shall propose a new addition to the ICD-10 lmao) - hell, it's happened to me more times than I care to remember. Do keep in mind that there are also people - perhaps a minority, but they do exist - who have overcome tremendous adversity and live fulfilling lives. I don't mean to say that will be your fate either - I can't predict the future. That's not to say it was easy for them. If you choose to fight, it'll probably be an uphill battle.

All this to say - yes, it's possible, but I don't know if the fight is worth it - I'm trying to determine that for myself. Nor do I mean to tell you what to do. I speak as someone who is standing at the foot of my own mountain, just as you stand at yours.

I do hope that whatever path you choose, you find peace, comfort, and freedom. You deserve better than what your past has been. Your future shouldn't be as stifling and lonely. Hugs if you want.

thank you

I just wish it wasn't such a battle