My last option but I’m terrified

[Octavina]

A couple days ago I got discharged from the worst private psychiatric hospital I've ever been in and guess what, I feel exactly the same since the attempt that got me in there.context is that in early May I overdosed on lorazepam diazepam, alcohol but was saved while doing full hanging suspension. Last week while being detained under the psychiatric ward I was hospitalised for low potassium and was taken off 1:1 so I tried to do partial with a think cord from a hospital bin attached to a sturdy hook in the bathroom wall. Funny enough I felt closer to succeeding that time since I was seeing stars and sound became muffled, but I'm still here sadly. All I got was a swollen lip from the compression, and the nasty nurses and mental health consultant just were like,
"Well your section is up, I took you off your mood stabilizers because f**k you, you don't need them, go home bye"
I am happy to be home but now I'm waiting for my SN, anti emetics and beta blockers to be redelivered. I'm scared because I don't want to do SN because I failed last year but luckily I bought the extra medication so it won't be as scary I hope? Plus I still have my diazepam, I'm so scared, wish I could afford N

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you have been through a lot. I think it is normal to be scared if you have had a failed attempt. If you go for this option, then I wish you peace.

 

[lovelyheartz]

Why did you fail full suspension?

 

[Octavina]

Why did you fail full suspension?

Hello, I failed because I had forgotten that I hadn't slept for about 4 days straight, so my bp was already low, then on top of that I took far too many benzos and alcohol together, and because I was on an empty stomach I became intoxicated too quickly for my body to adjust right. I had a premade slipknot but the only tree I could climb and put my chair under was a very thick branch. The drugs were too strong and I quickly became disoriented to tie the rope properly.so I ended up having to tie it badly and just put my head in and kick the chair away. But it was broad daylight and I was in a manic episode and couldn't stop laughing/crying loud and a dog walker saw me, but I saw black for a couple of seconds but after that I remember a man holding me up and cutting me down, then police cuffed me and I got sectioned in a hospital.
i can't fail next time, but this was entirely my fault that I failed, it was impulsive, I did want to die and I still do to this day, I just wish I didn't rush it. Also I had to take something since my heart rate was incredibly fast, and I felt it in my throat, kind of similar to my SN experience

 

[lovelyheartz]

Hello, I failed because I had forgotten that I hadn't slept for about 4 days straight, so my bp was already low, then on top of that I took far too many benzos and alcohol together, and because I was on an empty stomach I became intoxicated too quickly for my body to adjust right. I had a premade slipknot but the only tree I could climb and put my chair under was a very thick branch. The drugs were too strong and I quickly became disoriented to tie the rope properly.so I ended up having to tie it badly and just put my head in and kick the chair away. But it was broad daylight and I was in a manic episode and couldn't stop laughing/crying loud and a dog walker saw me, but I saw black for a couple of seconds but after that I remember a man holding me up and cutting me down, then police cuffed me and I got sectioned in a hospital.
i can't fail next time, but this was entirely my fault that I failed, it was impulsive, I did want to die and I still do to this day, I just wish I didn't rush it. Also I had to take something since my heart rate was incredibly fast, and I felt it in my throat, kind of similar to my SN experience

Where'd you attempt? Like in a park or something? (Sorry for asking questions, I plan to ctb by full suspension so I just want to get enough info so I don't fail)

 

[Octavina]

My seller hasn't got back to me I'm getting so nervous. I can't afford to purchase everything again, I'd do anything to get N, give away my most prised possessions or just anything. SN is long and drawn out. Even if I have my fan blasting on my face my body will still feel like I'm on fire like other users have experienced. I can't hug my mum tight in my arms as I go, I'll be alone and scared. I need to toughen up, it's better to go through that and succeed then be in a psych ward against my will because doctors told me it's somehow illegal to ctb. I hate my country

 

[Rae82]

My seller hasn't got back to me I'm getting so nervous. I can't afford to purchase everything again, I'd do anything to get N, give away my most prised possessions or just anything. SN is long and drawn out. Even if I have my fan blasting on my face my body will still feel like I'm on fire like other users have experienced. I can't hug my mum tight in my arms as I go, I'll be alone and scared. I need to toughen up, it's better to go through that and succeed then be in a psych ward against my will because doctors told me it's somehow illegal to ctb. I hate my country

I understand. I also need to die and SN is going to be my method but I am so scared of it going wrong. It's just hell.