Venting my friends know and they don't care

[couldntcareless]

idk if i can even call these people friends anymore but it is what it is. everyone i talk to knows i'm suicidal af but they act like this theme is taboo. when i tried to reach out and talk to them about it, they all changed the topic or just left me on read.
lol

 

[NotUrDream]

some people just be fake as hell, nobody gives a damn about you or what you're going through until they find you lifeless. because to them, it's almost never a big deal if you're not very expressive or are reserved. And sometimes, even if you try to express yourself, to them it just looks like drama or like you're seeking their attention

 

[couldntcareless]

some people just be fake as hell, nobody gives a damn about you or what you're going through until they find you lifeless. because to them, it's almost never a big deal if you're not very expressive or are reserved. And sometimes, even if you try to express yourself, to them it just looks like drama or like you're seeking their attention

exactly.

 

[NotUrDream]

exactly.

And what really pisses me off is that I'm always alone because I never have the guts to message people first, so whenever I try to open up a bit about my feelings, I always get cursed at or mocked, People js be having difficulty even to pretend to care

 

[couldntcareless]

And what really pisses me off is that I'm always alone because I never have the guts to message people first, so whenever I try to open up a bit about my feelings, I always get cursed at or mocked, People js be having difficulty even to pretend to care

i get it cause i been dealing w the same shit. they lack emotional intelligence ig. and ofc after u had the worst day in ur life they venting bout some shit that is nothing compared to ur problems

 

[plskilme]

One friend (and co-worker) of mine knows and she wants me to take off of work for a bit to focus on my mental health. It worked for her. I want to, but need the money bad as fuckkkkkkk.
Other friend who knows keeps saying he really can't help, and to just get therapy or get on meds for it or some shit. He knows I've tried both that multiple times, and it never fucking works long term. He's moving out of the country completely soon (I'm lowkey upset about it). I just have 0 idea where to turn to anywhere. Tried to open up to family about my feelings lowkey and they fucking brushed it off. I have no idea what to do anymore...

 

[couldntcareless]

One friend (and co-worker) of mine knows and she wants me to take off of work for a bit to focus on my mental health. It worked for her. I want to, but need the money bad as fuckkkkkkk.
Other friend who knows keeps saying he really can't help, and to just get therapy or get on meds for it or some shit. He knows I've tried both that multiple times, and it never fucking works long term. He's moving out of the country completely soon (I'm lowkey upset about it). I just have 0 idea where to turn to anywhere. Tried to open up to family about my feelings lowkey and they fucking brushed it off. I have no idea what to do anymore...

i get it, same shit.

 

[10mmc]

I don't talk about suicide in any capacity with anyone who knows me or even therapists but I agree. It's really messed up because I know if the shoe were on the other foot, I would definitely do everything that I can to be there for that person and I wouldn't just kind of sit there and make them feel like guilt tripped over their feelings. But I don't know I think people don't really know what to say or do they feel pretty helpless so they give really terrible advice and they kinda just want the problem to go away because it's such an uncomfortable conversation to have. And I think that's exactly why people become isolated and even more hopeless. The idea of talking about it, reach out. Such bullshit. It's very frustrating that to my face someone will say something like oh if you need me I'm here for you but then when I actually message them or call. Even if its just something as simple as " I'm having a rough day" which is the furthest extent I feel comfortable talking about whats going on they can't even be bothered to reply or they have some sort of totally non important thing like a sports show they are occupied with. It's like man "i knew I was worthless and this confirms it and a subsequent embarrassment of everything you have said already and the things you imagined saying or admitting " realizing you have no one, I just have roles to play in others people's lives.

 

[couldntcareless]

I don't talk about suicide in any capacity with anyone who knows me or even therapists but I agree. It's really messed up because I know if the shoe were on the other foot, I would definitely do everything that I can to be there for that person and I wouldn't just kind of sit there and make them feel like guilt tripped over their feelings. But I don't know I think people don't really know what to say or do they feel pretty helpless so they give really terrible advice and they kinda just want the problem to go away because it's such an uncomfortable conversation to have. And I think that's exactly why people become isolated and even more hopeless. The idea of talking about it, reach out. Such bullshit. It's very frustrating that to my face someone will say something like oh if you need me I'm here for you but then when I actually message them or call. Even if its just something as simple as " I'm having a rough day" which is the furthest extent I feel comfortable talking about whats going on they can't even be bothered to reply or they have some sort of totally non important thing like a sports show they are occupied with. It's like man "i knew I was worthless and this confirms it and a subsequent embarrassment of everything you have said already and the things you imagined saying or admitting " realizing you have no one, I just have roles to play in others people's lives.

couldn't phrase it better tbh

 

[10mmc]

couldn't phrase it better tbh

At least we have this space to discuss these things for that I am thankful. It's relieving in some way to hear other people are going through it, however, I don't wish this on anyone.

 

[couldntcareless]

At least we have this space to discuss these things for that I am thankful. It's relieving in some way to hear other people are going through it, however, I don't wish this on anyone.

i hope things get better for u

 

[ctb_warrior]

idk if i can even call these people friends anymore but it is what it is. everyone i talk to knows i'm suicidal af but they act like this theme is taboo. when i tried to reach out and talk to them about it, they all changed the topic or just left me on read.
lol

Never, never chase anyone.
Telling people in your life about your problem and weakness will only make you more vulnerable. They stop respecting you and look down upon you, no matter how good you are.
This is my personal experience. I have tested a lot of friends and most of them were not worth my time. They were just around because I was famous and being with me will get them easy fame and attention and they wanted to be with me because I was cool and respected figure.

If you want to talk, talk here with all of us here at SaSu. Real life people are BS. They can't understand your pain unless they get to go through your pain.

And what really pisses me off is that I'm always alone because I never have the guts to message people first, so whenever I try to open up a bit about my feelings, I always get cursed at or mocked, People js be having difficulty even to pretend to care

You don't need to msg them first.
Have an aura that they feel compelled to msg you.
And, it's a big no to discuss your weaknesses with anyone, no one can understand your feelings till the time they have faced the same level of pain. Everyone just wants entertainment. When you share your weaknesses, they look at you as if you are a liability .
So even though you are weak.. act like you are strong. I have mastered this art.
No one can tell that i have ctb on my mind unless I choose to tell them. And even upon telling them, they'll not believe. How can a funny guy who keeps smiling and laughing will think of ctb but they don't get to see through my mask, that I'm a sad heartbroken guy. In the past, i told that to a couple of friends, they talked to me a max once or twice, and then, vanished from my life.

 

[10mmc]

Never, never chase anyone.
Telling people in your life about your problem and weakness will only make you more vulnerable. They stop respecting you and look down upon you, no matter how good you are.
This is my personal experience. I have tested a lot of friends and most of them were not worth my time. They were just around because I was famous and being with me will get them easy fame and attention and they wanted to be with me because I was cool and respected figure.

If you want to talk, talk here with all of us here at SaSu. Real life people are BS. They can't understand your pain unless they get to go through your pain.

It's interesting. I had a brief conversation with someone who I know has experienced depression and has a mental health condition that causes them to experience ideation, or at least that's how it's been framed to me. They said that it helped them feel better about their own situation knowing that celebrities and wealthy people still struggle.
I think it's sad, honestly. I don't see how wealth and fame can necessarily be good because it seems like you can never really trust someone's true intentions.

 

[ctb_warrior]

It's interesting. I had a brief conversation with someone who I know has experienced depression and has a mental health condition that causes them to experience ideation, or at least that's how it's been framed to me. They said that it helped them feel better about their own situation knowing that celebrities and wealthy people still struggle.
I think it's sad, honestly. I don't see how wealth and fame can necessarily be good because it seems like you can never really trust someone's true intentions.

That's actually a reality. Most celebrities we know suffer from depression. They suffer from it a lot because suddenly they get so much attention from media and then, their stardom fades over time. They always that pressure to be in the limelight and get work with good directors and producers. Most hypnotherapists I have spoken with, told that they have actors, sportsmen, as their premium clients.
Chester Benington, the lead singer of LP suffered from depression and died by CTB.

Very true, if you are rich, famous, or resourceful in any way or a beautiful girl, it's difficult to know the true intentions of people.
I got famous in my college on the first day itself. Everyone knew me. My aura made them feel that I'm extraordinary. And the word spread like wildfire. Suddenly everyone wanted to be my friend. Everyone in my college hostel had my phone number. (Btw, just two years prior to that I had attempted two major CTB attempts and I was keeping a very low profile)
One day I had high fever, I decided to test some of my friends. I randomly texted them. I had a hack due to which my SMSes were unlimited free. So, i told these guys that I'm not well.
Some didn't reply, some replied get well soon, and just one asked if i need any help he can come if i need to go to the doctor.
Just 1!!!!!
One of my ancestors was a famous doctor in India. He used to donate a lot of money to people in need. In his final years, he was all alone, none of these ppl even asked about his health. Even his own son didn't take care of his own father. I learnt meditation and kundalini yoga from him btw.

 

[10mmc]

That's actually a reality. Most celebrities we know suffer from depression. They suffer from it a lot because suddenly they get so much attention from media and then, their stardom fades over time. They always that pressure to be in the limelight and get work with good directors and producers. Most hypnotherapists I have spoken with, told that they have actors, sportsmen, as their premium clients.
Chester Benington, the lead singer of LP suffered from depression and died by CTB.

Very true, if you are rich, famous, or resourceful in any way or a beautiful girl, it's difficult to know the true intentions of people.
I got famous in my college on the first day itself. Everyone knew me. My aura made them feel that I'm extraordinary. And the word spread like wildfire. Suddenly everyone wanted to be my friend. Everyone in my college hostel had my phone number. (Btw, just two years prior to that I had attempted two major CTB attempts and I was keeping a very low profile)
One day I had high fever, I decided to test some of my friends. I randomly texted them. I had a hack due to which my SMSes were unlimited free. So, i told these guys that I'm not well.
Some didn't reply, some replied get well soon, and just one asked if i need any help he can come if i need to go to the doctor.
Just 1!!!!!
One of my ancestors was a famous doctor in India. He used to donate a lot of money to people in need. In his final years, he was all alone, none of these ppl even asked about his health. Even his own son didn't take care of his own father. I learnt meditation and kundalini yoga from him btw.

That is so incredibly sad and another thing is seeing this behavior so commonly repeated throughout society freaks me out. Like people socialize not out of genuine desire but to play a game related to status and class. It makes communication and connection with others feel potentially hostile and disingenuous.

 

[ctb_warrior]

That is so incredibly sad and another thing is seeing this behavior so commonly repeated throughout society freaks me out. Like people socialize not out of genuine desire but to play a game related to status and class. It makes communication and connection with others feel potentially hostile and disingenuous.

Exactly.. this pattern is the same across the globe. It's really sad that most people don't talk heart to heart. They just connect to tap into your resources. In my 6th semester, after getting campus placed (it means i had a job offer before graduation completed), i withdrew myself from my classmates and started staying aloof. I changed my phone number so that no one could contact me unless I want. Although there's a funny thing in India, when you stop using a number, that gets assigned to someone else. So, i stopped using one of my numbers that was widely circulated. The guy who was assigned the same number got so pissed off with the number of calls it used to get. Everyone used to call him and said that they wanted to talk to me. That guy got frustrated hahaha i had a good laugh.. poor fellow
So coming back to the topic, i started staying aloof and it was so peaceful. I loved that peace. All alone, no one to disturb me.

 

[10mmc]

Exactly.. this pattern is the same across the globe. It's really sad that most people don't talk heart to heart. They just connect to tap into your resources. In my 6th semester, after getting campus placed (it means i had a job offer before graduation completed), i withdrew myself from my classmates and started staying aloof. I changed my phone number so that no one could contact me unless I want. Although there's a funny thing in India, when you stop using a number, that gets assigned to someone else. So, i stopped using one of my numbers that was widely circulated. The guy who was assigned the same number got so pissed off with the number of calls it used to get. Everyone used to call him and said that they wanted to talk to me. That guy got frustrated hahaha i had a good laugh.. poor fellow
So coming back to the topic, i started staying aloof and it was so peaceful. I loved that peace. All alone, no one to disturb me.

I question if it's rooted into human behavior. It's always bothered me so deeply that people just can't communicate honestly. That there's some sort of like stigma around just talking about your feelings and that what's really going on and that you just have to physically talk about shit that feels fake like the conversations feel forced, inorganic, like reading off a script. I hate that when I talk to people i am just rehearsing a role basically, I can't say what I want. They don't say what they want, or respond how they want. I have to constantly imagine how what I say will impact the person im talking to and guage what is actually socially allowed and expected to be talked about and it's like why the hell should I even talk to anyone. It's like I just want a deep connection, to be able to really talk about this shit in a honest way and not get all the gobbledegook bullshit filler fake performative conversation.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I've had to go through the same thing. In my situation my struggles were trivialised and my friends acted like their problems were way worse than mine. I don't wanna minimise their struggles either but my problems are life long disorders that will never go away, meanwhile their problems could be in theory fixable. All I wanted was to be understood the way I try to understand. I get how you feel. And you are deserving of way better friends.

 

[couldntcareless]

I've had to go through the same thing. In my situation my struggles were trivialised and my friends acted like their problems were way worse than mine. I don't wanna minimise their struggles either but my problems are life long disorders that will never go away, meanwhile their problems could be in theory fixable. All I wanted was to be understood the way I try to understand. I get how you feel. And you are deserving of way better friends.

i'm sorry u had to deal with this, i hope things get better for u. u deserve supporting friends too

 

[ctb_warrior]

I question if it's rooted into human behavior. It's always bothered me so deeply that people just can't communicate honestly. That there's some sort of like stigma around just talking about your feelings and that what's really going on and that you just have to physically talk about shit that feels fake like the conversations feel forced, inorganic, like reading off a script. I hate that when I talk to people i am just rehearsing a role basically, I can't say what I want. They don't say what they want, or respond how they want. I have to constantly imagine how what I say will impact the person im talking to and guage what is actually socially allowed and expected to be talked about and it's like why the hell should I even talk to anyone. It's like I just want a deep connection, to be able to really talk about this shit in a honest way and not get all the gobbledegook bullshit filler fake performative conversation.

I have noticed, people run away from deep thinkers. Not many can hold deep conversations like the one we are having right now as we can understand each other and we are like minded. The world is so fake.
I'll give an example from India.
If I have to go on a vacation, and I wish to apply for leave, there are chances that it'll not get approved. So, I'll have to take sick leave and tell them a lie that I'm not well, then I'll get that leave with certainty. Lol. There were so many days, when i felt burnt out and exhausted and I wanted to take a break. So, i had to act over the call and modulate my voice to sound like an ill person and inform that I'm taking sick leave.
Why is that needed? Why can't I say that i want to breathe, i need a break? If I aspire to apply for let's say i aspire to work as a java developer and I'm currently C developer. If I want to get selected, I'll have to tell a lie that I'm currently a Java developer not a C developer. Or they won't allow the transition. Honesty is a really bad idea in the contemporary world.
Most people are shallow. They are stuck in the matrix. They are not even able to see what's wrong with this entire system. They have accepted the system. They don't ask why is this the system. Why are we following this flawed system.
You and me are talking so logically. Do u think we are abnormal... No? We are perfectly normal sensitive people, the way God meant to create humans. But most humans are worst than animals.. even animals are more humanly than humans. These insensitive ill minded humans are the reason why we are on this site.
And they don't even allow us to ctb using N. SN is also not available easily now. They also want to take this site down by calling it evil Pro Suicide site.
I pity these idiots

 

[10mmc]

I have noticed, people run away from deep thinkers. Not many can hold deep conversations like the one we are having right now as we can understand each other and we are like minded. The world is so fake.
I'll give an example from India.
If I have to go on a vacation, and I wish to apply for leave, there are chances that it'll not get approved. So, I'll have to take sick leave and tell them a lie that I'm not well, then I'll get that leave with certainty. Lol. There were so many days, when i felt burnt out and exhausted and I wanted to take a break. So, i had to act over the call and modulate my voice to sound like an ill person and inform that I'm taking sick leave.
Why is that needed? Why can't I say that i want to breathe, i need a break? If I aspire to apply for let's say i aspire to work as a java developer and I'm currently C developer. If I want to get selected, I'll have to tell a lie that I'm currently a Java developer not a C developer. Or they won't allow the transition. Honesty is a really bad idea in the contemporary world.
Most people are shallow. They are stuck in the matrix. They are not even able to see what's wrong with this entire system. They have accepted the system. They don't ask why is this the system. Why are we following this flawed system.
You and me are talking so logically. Do u think we are abnormal... No? We are perfectly normal sensitive people, the way God meant to create humans. But most humans are worst than animals.. even animals are more humanly than humans. These insensitive ill minded humans are the reason why we are on this site.
And they don't even allow us to ctb using N. SN is also not available easily now. They also want to take this site down by calling it evil Pro Suicide site.
I pity these idiots

I relate to everything you have just said. This may sounds really abnormal but I enjoy people watching and I like to be silent and just watch people interact with each other and even myself and it's very easy to pick up on all the theaterics and faking people do. It's like being in a zoo and watching animals use rehearsed communication and mating rituals it's off putting. Sometimes people talk and it just sounds like squawking, like literal filler. The words they are saying are just such garbage filler have no value asides from passing time and formality.

 

[ctb_warrior]

I relate to everything you have just said. This may sounds really abnormal but I enjoy people watching and I like to be silent and just watch people interact with each other and even myself and it's very easy to pick up on all the theaterics and faking people do. It's like being in a zoo and watching animals use rehearsed communication and mating rituals it's off putting. Sometimes people talk and it just sounds like squawking, like literal filler. The words they are saying are just such garbage filler have no value asides from passing time and formality.

People watching is fun. One gets to learn a lot from observing them. In the last 10 years, i have been quite active in social platforms. And I have observed their deceitful mindset very closely.
Their mind is full of malice. In India, we call it Kalyug= dark age.
And what we are witnessing now is just the beginning. The world is going to get worse as the years pass. Interestingly , all of the scriptures of different religions, say the same thing.. bible talks about tribulation and judgement day. Hinduism talks about kalyug(dark age) and pralay(end of the world and life)

 

[valar_morghulis21]

Sorry your friends being assholes about it. But I've come to learn a hard lesson that people don't really like depressed and suicidal individuals, and there's really no point of explicitly talk about it, not even an intellectual discussion. I myself also reach a point of fatigue that I disassociate most of the time when people start having a conversation with me, like I really don't care where they work at or what are they being upset about. This forum tho is a very special place, I hope it'll help you with all the needs to venting and be understood.

 

[couldntcareless]

Sorry your friends being assholes about it. But I've come to learn a hard lesson that people don't really like depressed and suicidal individuals, and there's really no point of explicitly talk about it, not even an intellectual discussion. I myself also reach a point of fatigue that I disassociate most of the time when people start having a conversation with me, like I really don't care where they work at or what are they being upset about. This forum tho is a very special place, I hope it'll help you with all the needs to venting and be understood.

true that is

 

[booplesnoot34]

I've noticed there's this mentality, especially among younger people, that "you don't owe anyone anything." And they take this mindset into friendships and refuse to put in any effort, calling it "emotional labor" or "traumadumping" when somebody needs support. They say, "tell your therapist, not me." We have paywalled human connection and weaponized therapyspeak to get out of having to give a crap. Friends should be there for each other. Relationships take work and effort. It's sickening how "friends" drop "friends" at the slightest inconvenience.

Tl;dr: you need better friends who know what friendship entails.

 

[couldntcareless]

I've noticed there's this mentality, especially among younger people, that "you don't owe anyone anything." And they take this mindset into friendships and refuse to put in any effort, calling it "emotional labor" or "traumadumping" when somebody needs support. They say, "tell your therapist, not me." We have paywalled human connection and weaponized therapyspeak to get out of having to give a crap. Friends should be there for each other. Relationships take work and effort. It's sickening how "friends" drop "friends" at the slightest inconvenience.

Tl;dr: you need better friends who know what friendship entails.

exactly. its like they are only here for laughs

 

[NotUrDream]

i get it cause i been dealing w the same shit. they lack emotional intelligence ig. and ofc after u had the worst day in ur life they venting bout some shit that is nothing compared to ur problems

I don't want to sound like an idiot, but I'm so envious of people who really matter to their friends. I've spent years trying to express myself, yet nobody seems to care. literally today at work, a coworker showed the slightest sign of being tired, and everyone hugged and comforted him, even though he'd said he wasn't sad or tired. Meanwhile, I was just standing in the background watching it all, imagining how I'd cry tears of happiness if I got even a single hug, i feel pissed off of myself by feeling envious by stuff like that because i never had it. Some people envy the rich, others the intelligent or the famous, but i envy those who can receive hugs, affection, and messages from friends every day by people that really care about them

 

[couldntcareless]

I don't want to sound like an idiot, but I'm so envious of people who really matter to their friends. I've spent years trying to express myself, yet nobody seems to care. literally today at work, a coworker showed the slightest sign of being tired, and everyone hugged and comforted him, even though he'd said he wasn't sad or tired. Meanwhile, I was just standing in the background watching it all, imagining how I'd cry tears of happiness if I got even a single hug, i feel pissed off of myself by feeling envious by stuff like that because i never had it. Some people envy the rich, others the intelligent or the famous, but i envy those who can receive hugs, affection, and messages from friends every day by people that really care about them

i get it. i was envious af too but then i accepted the fact i'll never have a normal life with normal friends and i stopped caring. or like i cant even imagine people having a lot of friends in real life or even one caring friend so i just assume they are all are fake and pretending

 

[SerendipitousPanda]

idk if i can even call these people friends anymore but it is what it is. everyone i talk to knows i'm suicidal af but they act like this theme is taboo. when i tried to reach out and talk to them about it, they all changed the topic or just left me on read.
lol

I don't know your friends, so I can't speak to your exact situation, but for me, I've tried talking about this with various friends over the years (in addition to therapists/psychiatrists).

For my friends, I think that most of them just don't know what to say or do. I think they feel bad/guilty that they can't help me, and/or don't know how they could possibly help me, so it's easier for them to just ignore it. I don't think they're bad friends or bad people, they are just ill-equipped to help me with my situation. (I mean, in fairness, if multiple professionals have given up on me, then I think most people would not be able to help me.) I don't hold that against them. They do not have the ability to help, even if they had the desire to help. The ones who don't have the desire to help (or even be curious enough to ask), I guess those people you could cross off the friends list.

Then on top of all that, add that talking about death is an uncomfortable and/or taboo subject for many cultures, and that makes it more difficult for either side to bring up. And even more, talking about mental health is difficult for many (either as the one talking or the one listening), so that can make it even more difficult.

It all sucks.