Venting my dad is ashamed of me

[slitwristsbleedcold]

i can just tell, he hates me, he's dissapointed of what I became, totally understandable, I understand.

today I've seen him after a while, we haven't spoken properly in long, but those eyes, full of love and affection, protection, are now gone, filled with resentment and hate, worse, shame.

he said i am a depressed junkie, that I'm just being a victim, I don't want to be helped, and just want the temporary affection from attentions.

and ultimately, i can't prove him wrong.
he's right, but those attentions, that's not what I want.

his words aren't with compassion, but venom, a hatred that build up over the years.

i wish i could apologize to him, for being this way, i truly do, but i can't bring myself to look at him in the eyes, i just cant, not anymore.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

You don't need to apologize to anyone. I doubt that he is right. He should have offered the support you need instead of belittling you. I'm sorry your parent is far from compassionate.

 

[telekon]

I agree with nobodycaresaboutme... lots of dads are dissappointed in their kids (same with mine) but your dad sounds like he's blaming you and calling you a victim... parents have a responsibility to raise their kids up to not end up depressed junkies and he couldn't do that so he's shifting the blame onto you. i always blame the parents.

 

[KlMeNw]

You don't need to apologize to anyone. I doubt that he is right. He should have offered the support you need instead of belittling you. I'm sorry your parent is far from compassionate.

You dont know that, he could be a great father. Stop projecting

I agree with nobodycaresaboutme... lots of dads are dissappointed in their kids (same with mine) but your dad sounds like he's blaming you and calling you a victim... parents have a responsibility to raise their kids up to not end up depressed junkies and he couldn't do that so he's shifting the blame onto you. i always blame the parents.

Well than you're immature and selfish. A parent can do everything right and still in the end if their kid chooses to make the wrong decisions thats on him now. Take some personal accountability.

 

[slitwristsbleedcold]

You dont know that, he could be a great father. Stop projecting

Well than you're immature and selfish. A parent can do everything right and still in the end if their kid chooses to make the wrong decisions thats on him now. Take some personal accountability.

i take accountability, I've never blamed my father for being the way i am, but if i have to be honest

he used to be a good dad, now? not anymore, and it's not because of my disorders and illnesses, i can just tell, he doesn't love me like he did before, something just switched

nobody would love an individual like me and it's understandable, but being reminded of this, even the only time we met in months, after all i wanted was just some bonding time, still pains me