My current plans

[GoldenTicket]

I have a pretty strong feeling that I'm probably going to ctb before the end of the year for numerous reasons, I've been suicidal for a long long time, and I knew the day would approach at some point, I've mostly given up hope for this life. I have a couple loving family members left and a close close friend who's my rock, but living is just too exhausting, I have things in this life I enjoy but they do not outweigh my stresses or state of depression, I wasn't built for this life, and that's OK. I've lived most of my life being in terrible situations, homeless, closest parent dying when I was young, poverty, being alone for most of my adult life, depression and psychosis etc, The fact I've had some good moments sprinkled in has been comforting enough, I can die content.

The plans are basically:

- Write a proper detailed note to my one closest friend about how I'm sorry, how much he means to me, and that it isn't his fault at all, same will go for other family members. I'll probably gather my most precious and personal belongings for them to keep if they wish.

-I have my SN ordered, I just need to get the antiemetics

-Once I have a date down I'm going to prepare for the months in advance, hang out with family and friends as much as possible, I think this will be hard to do knowing I'm going to basically leave them, but I can't just go, I know they will be torn up regardless but I just want them to have some comforting memories.

-book a hotel 2-3 days before CTB date, I have a special town I like to travel too, enjoy the nature, really just have a quiet few days before I pass.

- After my stay ill probably CTB at home

I've mentally prepared myself for taking the SN, I've been researching videos/real sn attempts and I feel like I can do it, so yeah, my current plans I guess, not set in stone but we'll see what happens.

 

[DeadMeat123]

the decision is yours of course but I strongly think you should abandon the idea of traveling somewhere before CTB.
I often resolved that I would do it as soon as I return from my travel and CTB at home or at the hotel I'm staying at, but in reality a short trip like this often gave me false hope that I would find a solution to my situation And here I am today, rotting and wishing I had just finished it sooner without procrastination. Of course, your decision to proceed with the travel plan is understandable and everyone has the right to choose what they do before their end

 

[GoldenTicket]

the decision is yours of course but I strongly think you should abandon the idea of traveling somewhere before CTB.
I often resolved that I would do it as soon as I return from my travel and CTB at home or at the hotel I'm staying at, but in reality a short trip like this often gave me false hope that I would find a solution to my situation And here I am today, rotting and wishing I had just finished it sooner without procrastination. Of course, your decision to proceed with the travel plan is understandable and everyone has the right to choose what they do before their end

I did actually consider this, false hope is a cruel thing, and there is a chance it could spring up again, but I've been more motivated to actually carry out CTB-ing then I have in the past, a big reason I've stayed alive so long is false hope, but I think I've truly got to a breaking point this year where I've realised nothing is really going to change how I feel, so I'm hopeful I can carry out my plans.

But of course there's always a chance I'll just ctb randomly in my bedroom beforehand.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I think it sounds like a solid plan. Why not take a few days to yourself to say goodbye to nature & the world? Don't deny yourself that if it's something you want to do.