Venting My biggest problem

[DemonicAngel]

My older brother is my best and realistically my only friend. Him, me and my mother have lived in our current home since 1997. When I moved from my old home to here it fucked me up bad. I started getting panic attacks, nightmares, and pseudo seizures. I do not handle change well. Since 2007 my mom started drinking and within the last 5 or so years she's gotten out of control. She's mean, tries to drive unless I stop her which makes her fight with me she tries to cook and has almost caught the kitchen on fire 3 times. I have to babysit my mother and I hate it and her My brother is in a long distance relationship for 3 years now with a women who lives in Kentucky so he stays down there about 2 weekends a month, leaving me alone with my mom. Anyways to get to the big problem, all that matters to me is my brother and my cat. Well my brother is moving for good on Saturday to Kentucky. He said in a month can come live there too but there's tons of problems if I make that choice (which if you really wanna know just ask me) I can't live with my mom either. I was thinking about getting my own place, I could stay at my methadone clinic that way too. I'm on 190mgs and I get 13 take homes, which is the max in my state. I called Kentucky and asked if my records would transfer but they said I have to start all over. Since I'm on disability my brother said he help with rent. He doesn't feel comfortable about the idea of me living all alone, no car, no one to call if I need something. So to me there is no solution but the same one that's been in the back on my head since I was 10. I think it's time to ctb, I have to most desirable method at my disposal yet I'm still scared. Even though I know it's what's gotta be done.