Venting Mitigating Harm

[lyles]

This is partially a vent and partially me interested in getting input from other people, honestly.

My philosophy about life and how to live is pretty complex and more than I feel like writing out at the immediate moment. But I do believe in trying to do the least amount of harm possible. Which leads me to this conundrum of feeling that living is causing me harm and knowing that my suicide would lead to immense harm among many people.

My death would genuinely ruin some of my loved ones for the rest of their lives. In contrast, I find pain in living my life.

I've tried to make peace with this by deciding I would kill myself as soon as one of them died. But I long for the release of death now. My future just keeps building, there's so much I have to do when I really would rather do nothing.

I keep going through the motions of life, working to give myself a good future that I don't even really want. But I work because I can't burden my loved ones further. I just want to move on.

What is the answer here? Priotirize my own happiness or the people who I love? I wish it wasn't such a hard question.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like only you know what is the best for yourself as it is your life after all and only you know your situation. I could never stay alive only for others personally, it would be too painful. I understand the feeling of wanting to leave this world so badly. Existing just seems so pointless and tiring to me. It does sound like a difficult situation to be in and I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.