Venting Mistakes

[Flying Away]

It seems as much as I thought I had a chance I know I don't. All I've ever done is make mistake after mistake. I thought I had that one person who could be with me but I realise now I am far too damaged. Years of not getting help have finally taken their toll. I don't know if I'm having a prolonged panic attack or. All I feel is an overall feeling of impending doom. I don't deserve to live. I thought I might be able to make her feel happy but I know I can't. Too many times I ignored my mental health and now it's time I faced up to my shortcomings and make everyone happy once and for all. All I wanted was to love and be loved. To help people but I can't even manage that. I am worthless. 59 years of causing and suffering with pain. I need to be with that someone special but I know I'll just mess up even if I had the chance again. I've tried so hard to be me and not mess up but I'm scared something I did before I changed will come back to bite me and ruin everything. I'm scared I've made a mistake and not realised I have. Paralysed with fear. I love but don't deserve another chance. Thought I had three weeks to make my decision but I will just screw up again. I don't want to die but all I have ever done is hurt people I love and who love me. I need something concrete to hold onto. My time has come to an end. I do what I do for those I love. Sorry to everyone I've let down including those on this site. Goodbye my friends it's time to carry through with what's best for everyone

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so cruel. I hope that you are able to find freedom from your pain as none of us should have to suffer in this life. Best wishes.

 

[hellispink]

Regrets, those haunt me everyday. I am so sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I am wishing you the best in whichever decision you make.