Venting makes no sense having friends when you have bpd

[soledad.virgen]

it feels so utterly pointless. why the fuck should i bother trying to make small talk about stupid shit when i need a new favorite person. its infuriating having to reach out to people who never do the same for you, and for what? nothing comes out of it, i feel nothing but the emptiness. but apparently if i try to focus my limited energy onto getting a new favorite person for my own happiness it's toxic

im getting so restless i just wanna die already

 

[23421]

fellow bpd here and i never understood why people feel the need to have friends. in my eyes this is just a downgrade and a placeholder for someone who could be a FP. i don't want to waste time talking to people and caring about them while knowing they don't understand me fully/i don't like them enough to invest further

friendships feel so performative to me

 

[CelesteLove]

I'm in the same boat. Why should I keep investing in making friends or getting a partner if they are going to leave me eventually? It makes no sense

 

[FoxSauce]

As a person with bpd for me having people is must but theres always the lingering feeling on what's it all for?

Ik its somewhat stupid but people not liking or offending a person that could lead them to hate me or leave me is something I try to avoid desperately.

Or maybe asking them why their my friend and analyze their answer if their answer has any deep alterior motive.

 

[Jisatsu]

I haven't had more then 3 people in my life that I would call a friend for over 10 years .
It becomes a hassle just to keep up with people and for them to keep up with me when I'm constantly trying to burn bridges.

 

[Carrot]

fellow bpd here and i never understood why people feel the need to have friends. in my eyes this is just a downgrade and a placeholder for someone who could be a FP. i don't want to waste time talking to people and caring about them while knowing they don't understand me fully/i don't like them enough to invest further

friendships feel so performative to me

What does FP mean?

 

[Griever]

Sometimes I think I'm better off alone

 

[Swan Song]

When I'm at my lowest I feel like that - what's the point of having people around, why should I bother, people are cruel, etc. Ironically, my strongest friendship has been with someone who is also has BPD. They understand what I'm going through and have the mental fortitude to realise it's not personal and it's the BPD when I try and shove them away. That being said I also struggle to keep more than a few core friends in my life. It just feels... exhausting? I've made peace with if I lose them than at least I enjoyed the time we had together.

 

[permanently tired]

What does FP mean?

Favorite person. It's as the name implies, the favorite and oftentimes only person that brings someone with bpd "happiness." It's a rush of a good feelings, though I'm not it's happiness. It happens to me almost exclusively with new ppl and ppl I don't know too much about. I imagine them to be perfect, beautiful, and when I get to know more they stop being my fp bc I've become more aware of their imperfections. The fantasy of whatever the perception is of them in my head is shattered and I move on bc they no longer interest me which is why it only happens with new ppl (for me at least). I've never had the same fp twice and I never "care" for someone again after my interest has waned.