Venting Lurker turned poster.

[troublebruin]

I'm getting much much older. I've attempted suicide multiple times, self harmed endlessly up until 2020, tried everything to get off this planet.

I just keep bouncing back.

It often feels like even those I trust more than any single piece of matter, entity, whatever classification you want to ascribe, can not understand how I feel. People who have similar traumas, etc.

I do not plan to kill myself, I have things to live for. I don't want to abandon people.

But what do you do when the strongest connection you've made in 30+ years fails to see what you're going through? I've been in therapy since I was a toddler, taken so many different meds, and am "medically" out of options.

I am only venting, I have no goals or plans. I just want to understand others feeling this sickening, horrible isolation.

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

Yes, I trust my family and people considered friends to support me in easy ways. Convenient ways for them. I know they will never understand this way of thinking, and what I see that they don't. Maybe there are things I don't see, that they do. But I wonder what that could be. I have tried all the options too. I've helped myself more than these avenues of help ever could, or even would attempt to. And that is saying a lot since I can barely take care of myself. All I do is get through the days exhausted with a dissociated mind. I have felt nothing but isolation for a long time as long as I can remember. No one understands, and the ones that do are not in reach.

 

[babyblueeyes]

I'm not sure what you're going through and I can't give any advice. Honestly I'm super far behind you in life experience. However, if you have the resources and depending on your mental health struggles Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) may help you. It's a treatment found to be effective in those who have chronic depression resistant to medications (i think thats what is callleedddd...).

Anyway, I'm sorry no one is seeing you. My mother told me that everyone is selfish and focused on themselves even if they are close to you. Maybe life is very lonely and it's up to us to solve our own problems? But that's so sad so I hope that someone sees what's going on and gives you the support you need.

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

I'm not sure what you're going through and I can't give any advice. Honestly I'm super far behind you in life experience. However, if you have the resources and depending on your mental health struggles Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) may help you. It's a treatment found to be effective in those who have chronic depression resistant to medications (i think thats what is callleedddd...).

Anyway, I'm sorry no one is seeing you. My mother told me that everyone is selfish and focused on themselves even if they are close to you. Maybe life is very lonely and it's up to us to solve our own problems? But that's so sad so I hope that someone sees what's going on and gives you the support you need.

I have heard a few things about TMS. My mother is actually trying to set up a time to get it. What I read though, some testimonials of people who got it, there were side effects that affected their quality of life. It has been a while since I read it, but I have been wary ever since. It does seem to be the very last option for many, and in that case it really doesn't hurt anything more to try one more thing. I asked my psychiatrist about it too, but even he said it is the last option for a reason.

 

[babyblueeyes]

I have heard a few things about TMS. My mother is actually trying to set up a time to get it. What I read though, some testimonials of people who got it, there were side effects that affected their quality of life. It has been a while since I read it, but I have been wary ever since. It does seem to be the very last option for many, and in that case it really doesn't hurt anything more to try one more thing. I asked my psychiatrist about it too, but even he said it is the last option for a reason.

yes putting magnetic waves on the brain is something that shouldn't be taken lightly. every procedure has side effects so its important that people are informed of their risk.