Love sickness

[bl33ding_heart]

My heart is so overwhelmed by love for him. I love him so much I feel like I could just have a heart attack any second. It feels like the purpose of my body even continuing to survive and sustain itself is just so I can be with him. Every heart beat and flow of blood through my veins is just for him. Truth be told, I wish I could live my life without being so obsessed with someone to this extent. I wish I never had bpd to begin with and my mind would never have to be so clouded by love. I don't want to be like this. But at the same time I can't live without being like this. It's physically impossible for me to picture a future for myself without that future being lived and experienced through the lens of my bpd. A mind that has always been sick can never know what a healthy mind feels like. A part of me doesn't like him, and doesn't want to be so helplessly in love with him. But another part of me wants to never stop loving him ever.

 

[Aphid]

My heart is so overwhelmed by love for him. I love him so much I feel like I could just have a heart attack any second. It feels like the purpose of my body even continuing to survive and sustain itself is just so I can be with him. Every heart beat and flow of blood through my veins is just for him. Truth be told, I wish I could live my life without being so obsessed with someone to this extent. I wish I never had bpd to begin with and my mind would never have to be so clouded by love. I don't want to be like this. But at the same time I can't live without being like this. It's physically impossible for me to picture a future for myself without that future being lived and experienced through the lens of my bpd. A mind that has always been sick can never know what a healthy mind feels like. A part of me doesn't like him, and doesn't want to be so helplessly in love with him. But another part of me wants to never stop loving him ever.

Having a fp is a blessing and a curse in so many ways. There's a resentment, that this person will be not good enough, or they'll do something wrong or upset you or hurt you in some way, and the other where when you hold them, even for a moment? You wish your bodies and minds could be one. A wish to sink inside and be with them for an eternity.
I know there's a pain and hopelessness to this, but there's so much to be gained. When controlled it can be your greatest strength. I truly wish you're able to harness its strengths for you. I hope it leads to a better life.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Having a fp is a blessing and a curse in so many ways. There's a resentment, that this person will be not good enough, or they'll do something wrong or upset you or hurt you in some way, and the other where when you hold them, even for a moment? You wish your bodies and minds could be one. A wish to sink inside and be with them for an eternity.
I know there's a pain and hopelessness to this, but there's so much to be gained. When controlled it can be your greatest strength. I truly wish you're able to harness its strengths for you. I hope it leads to a better life.

I don't see how it can be a strength or lead me to a better life. But thank you for kindness, it is very appreciated.

 

[aoseno perpetuo]

a girl with BPD just like yours loved me once when i was a teenager, then ended up making my life misery and not caring so i hope hes aware of your condition

 

[bl33ding_heart]

a girl with BPD just like yours loved me once when i was a teenager and then ended up breaking my heart into a billion pieces

Oh gosh.. What happened? If you're comfortable sharing.

 

[ChemicallyCalm]

i don't know if i have bpd but i relate to the having an overwhelming love for someone, it makes me feel sick and resentful because that person doesn't deserve my feelings and i wish i could switch them off, i feel almost forcibly bound in a way and i hate it a lot. i hope you're alright this is such a stressful thing to deal with, actual constant headache.

 

[aoseno perpetuo]

Oh gosh.. What happened? If you're comfortable sharing.

edited because i was too intimate and it felt improper, but all BPD people move on from their FPs eventually. and thats what she did. naively, i took everything she said literally because it felt so good. ironically, BPD people moving on is usually abandonment (devaluing).

 

[Aphid]

with the right medication and the right mind, it can really help,

I'm sorry im not in a too good head space in order to explain it, but just know that, despite it being detrimental in so many ways, i believe in you and, you can

 

[bl33ding_heart]

i don't know if i have bpd but i relate to the having an overwhelming love for someone, it makes me feel sick and resentful because that person doesn't deserve my feelings and i wish i could switch them off, i feel almost forcibly bound in a way and i hate it a lot. i hope you're alright this is such a stressful thing to deal with, actual constant headache.

You could be experiencing a phenomenon called limerence which is very similar to the bpd "favourite person" kind of obsession/attachment.

 

[Navi]

i feel like i no longer love my fp but im too afraid to leave him. im already so lonely and have no one to talk to. but then again, he's been cold to me lately. all it takes is him treating me nicely for me to start obsessing with him all over again. it's exhausting. too much pain.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

edited because i was too intimate and it felt improper, but all BPD people move on from their FPs eventually. and thats what she did. naively, i took everything she said literally because it felt so good. ironically, BPD people moving on is usually abandonment (devaluing).

Although I don't agree that every borderline eventually moves on from their fp. Since every person with this disorder is still their own individual person. It's quite common for someone with bpd to eventually latch onto someone else and devalue their fp. I'm sorry about what you went through and I really hope your heart is healed.

 

[aoseno perpetuo]

Although I don't agree that every borderline eventually moves on from their fp. Since every person with this disorder is still their own individual person. It's quite common for someone with bpd to eventually latch onto someone else and devalue their fp. I'm sorry about what you went through and I really hope your heart is healed.

i cant see how. realistically, its impossible for anyone to have such an obsession on a mere human being, lasting forever... there are so many variables in life.
and the nature of how BPD people see FPs, ensures relationships can never last, because no human being matches the BPD idealized version of them. no human being is ideal or perfect, not a single one to ever exist. thats the mechanism that ruins lives. im not trying to be mean saying that, but you should be aware.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

i cant see how. realistically, its impossible for anyone to have such an obsession on a mere human being, lasting forever... there are so many variables in life.
and the nature of how BPD people see FPs, ensures relationships can never last, because no human being matches the BPD idealized version of them. no human being is ideal or perfect, not a single one to ever exist. thats the mechanism that ruins lives. im not trying to be mean saying that, but you should be aware.

I mean if are able to be in a healthy relationship with an fp theoretically you could be in love with them for your entire life. But majority of people with bpd have a very hard time working on themselves and their relationships so I do agree that it's impossible for almost all.