Venting Love is painful when you're a BPD

[HowSoonIsNow]

My entire life was based on obsessions, being obsessed with a subject or a person.
When I'm in love with someone is so painful to me, I get obsessed with this person and if she shows a single hit that she's not that interested in me anymore my life basically ends. It's really difficult to live when your whole is basically living for someone else, jumping in relationships without a future and ending up destroyed.
The main reason of my CTB is that I no longer want that someone to have this power over me, to see me as a freak for not having control over my obsessions, I want to do something for myself even if it's taking my own life

 

[ghostspace]

I have bpd as well and have isolated myself to avoid the pain. I'm so sorry, it's an awful thing to struggle with.

 

[Lilacmoon]

It's a pattern, isn't it? In the end, us BPD sufferers always value the relationship more than our obsession values us. The desperation for intimacy and affection can be so overwhelming, how can anyone expect to reasonably control it?

I wish you the best, living with BPD is not an easy path.

 

[clayp]

Totally agree, BPD is a hard one. And if you add depression and anxiety in the mix, it's even worse. I speak from experience.

 

[ZeroChance888]

Bpd here too, I'm on one now as well. I'm fighting the urge to cut but when I do that I get obsessive about just ending me. Times like this I wish for depression as awful and insensitive as that sounds (but Im also diagnosed with depression so I'm not just saying this to be "funny") so I can just be numb because the drain and overwhelming intense emotions kill me. Recently broke 6 years sobriety trying not to think about a certain someone and when I admitted this to said person they flipped out and got pissed at me for keeping this to myself and now got the silent treatment and the whole I need space shit...alas another person in my life that has decided I'm too much and is walking out. Bpd really sucks. We just love too hard.

 

[LonelyNick]

I thought it was ADHD. I blames it on ADHD for so long. But it's BPD. Now that I know, it all makes sense. And it makes me want to die even more. I can't live like this. I don't want to live like this. I want to end it. I'm crazy, I've always known that but now that the list grows with another one ... No thank you. With health issues, teeth issues... I'll CBT and be over all of that. Nick out.

 

[illbehave]

It's a pattern, isn't it? In the end, us BPD sufferers always value the relationship more than our obsession values us. The desperation for intimacy and affection can be so overwhelming, how can anyone expect to reasonably control it?

I wish you the best, living with BPD is not an easy path.

AMEN.