Lost opportunity to CTB

[MissKatrina]

I'm so tempted to CTB with SN tomorrow. Got the house to myself. Arrangements are half done. I can do the rest this evening. Only thing stopping me is that I ordered propranolol yesterday. I should get it by Friday. I don't know when the next opportunity will come by, but in my last attempt (OD on something I'm anaphylactic to), it was tachycardia that led me to survive. It made me freak out and hyperventilate and take a remedy and go hospital.

I know it's better to wait. I should use the day and privacy to do all the rest of my preparations. Back up all my photos. Factory reset my laptop. Get rid of everything I don't want family finding. Close my bank account etc. But it's not easy to not attempt when I have finally landed an opportunity and when I don't know when my next chance will be. So frustrating. Just repeating to myself that tomorrow is my chance to prepare for the real deal. I'm letting tomorrow go, so I can get myself ready, but when the stars align, I absolutely will not let another opportunity go to waste.

Just needed this out there to make myself feel better.

Have a nice day. :)

 

[watereyes]

You're so fucking lucky to have the SN. I'm so jealous. This really pisses me off. You can choose whether to wait or not. I can't. Fuck.

 

[MissKatrina]

Everyone has their own relative suffering. You can't imagine what I'm going through. I can't imagine what you are. I wouldn't be jealous. If you want to be jealous, be jealous of my entire life or none of it.

 

[watereyes]

Everyone has their own relative suffering. You can't imagine what I'm going through. I can't imagine what you are. I wouldn't be jealous. If you want to be jealous, be jealous of my entire life or none of it.

Fair point. I was pissed when I wrote this.

 

[MissKatrina]

Fair point. I was pissed when I wrote this.

I know. Wish I could give you a huge hug or that if you lived closer we could share. <3