mourn2piie
New Member
- May 19, 2026
- 2
Ever since I was younger, my life has always been unstable, regardless of who I lived with. My mom drank alcohol with me when she was pregnant and did so for most of her kids, only my little sister and I getting the downsides of her choices. I didn't even realize this till I got older, but doctors asked and commented on it a lot. I moved a lot, I went to my dad sometimes other times I went to my mom, they both were always at each other's throats. My mom was struggling with drugs and alcohol and my dad was always working, but he cared about us a lot.
At some point, got taken away from my mom to foster care and went to a really abusive foster home at 6 years old or so, went back to mom's then got taken away from but this time with my auntie and her kids. One of my eldest cousins did a lot of terrible things to me in the background, a lot of inappropriate stuff despite me being 6-8 years old at the time. Never told a soul about it until I got older, nobody cared including my mom and my cousin's parents.
I eventually got taken in by my dad and life was okay, my dad put a lot of effort into taking care of us even though he rarely had the time. He worked outside of the province so he would leave a lot on a weekly basis, be gone for 3 weeks but come back for 1 and all that. He made sure to spend time with me and my sisters equally, including his step son. He was with a woman, I never really liked her. Life was fine but she made it hard, she neglected us a lot and rarely took care of any of us except her son and my little sister. Never got fed, never got taught anything and was always expected to take care of my little sister. I was only 9 years old and I had to take care of a baby who was an infant, months old. I have a lot of bad memories with my step-mom and I truly despise her for everything she did to me and my older sister.
My dad passed away when I was 10-11 years old, and my mom took me in. My step mom got with another man as soon as he died, which made me even more angry. I didn't have time to grieve since my mom was still problematic, her alcohol and drug use was rampant and she was having a baby herself soon. As soon as she was born I was handed the baby and basically raised her for years until we all got taken back to foster care.
The foster homes were really terrible, first pair of foster parents were racist, didn't help any of us... I can't remember a lot despite it only being a few years ago but I do remember a man took advantage of me and I had to go to the police. They never found the guy and my foster parents told me that I was forced to have the baby if I was pregnant, I was but lost the baby. They never knew that, nobody does besides my fiancé.
A lot happened and frankly I can't describe it all because I would be here all day, but I soon enough went back to my mom and I'm still here today. 21 years old, and I am stuck here. My mom still has problems and I can't get a job, I can't do anything because I lost all motivation to.
I really thought I had it bad, nothing else could've happened but so much happened ever since I was 17 years old.
I got diagnosed with diabetes, nobody in my family has it so it was really random. At first I was okay but this disease has taken control over my life, when my mom began to mistreat me again I stopped taking care of myself. When I was forced to live in a shelter because of her treatment that's when I stopped managing it, I stopped caring. And to this day I can't fix myself no matter how much I tell myself I am destroying myself. I tell myself to take my medication consistently, I tell myself to eat better, eat something or to stop eating since I starve myself and binge a lot. But it's too late, it's already taking affects on my body. I can't see, I can't feel anything and I can't do this anymore.
It's all my fault and I wished I didn't lose hope, if I didn't I think I would've still had some will to live. But I know my future looks dim now, even typing is hard since my vision is so off. I hate this never-ending pain, I attempted so many times just for me to fail time and time again.
I just want things to end, I want to go to an afterlife where I can finally breathe.
But at the same time, I don't want to leave my fiancé behind since I love him so much. He has been the only good thing in my life and I don't want him to be sad because of my choices, I told him how I felt and vented so he knows what I want to do soon. I just don't want to leave him alone, I don't want to hurt anyone by my choice. I want everything to end, but how can I let it when I will leave someone this important to me behind?
I'm also afraid of what happens when I die, I have a belief of an afterlife but what if the afterlife gets boring at one point? If it gets boring what then? I don't want to live another life here on earth if it's this sufferable. I don't want to sound selfish, I hope I'm not. I just want a happy ending for myself, I want control in my life for once since I never had any from the beginning.
At some point, got taken away from my mom to foster care and went to a really abusive foster home at 6 years old or so, went back to mom's then got taken away from but this time with my auntie and her kids. One of my eldest cousins did a lot of terrible things to me in the background, a lot of inappropriate stuff despite me being 6-8 years old at the time. Never told a soul about it until I got older, nobody cared including my mom and my cousin's parents.
I eventually got taken in by my dad and life was okay, my dad put a lot of effort into taking care of us even though he rarely had the time. He worked outside of the province so he would leave a lot on a weekly basis, be gone for 3 weeks but come back for 1 and all that. He made sure to spend time with me and my sisters equally, including his step son. He was with a woman, I never really liked her. Life was fine but she made it hard, she neglected us a lot and rarely took care of any of us except her son and my little sister. Never got fed, never got taught anything and was always expected to take care of my little sister. I was only 9 years old and I had to take care of a baby who was an infant, months old. I have a lot of bad memories with my step-mom and I truly despise her for everything she did to me and my older sister.
My dad passed away when I was 10-11 years old, and my mom took me in. My step mom got with another man as soon as he died, which made me even more angry. I didn't have time to grieve since my mom was still problematic, her alcohol and drug use was rampant and she was having a baby herself soon. As soon as she was born I was handed the baby and basically raised her for years until we all got taken back to foster care.
The foster homes were really terrible, first pair of foster parents were racist, didn't help any of us... I can't remember a lot despite it only being a few years ago but I do remember a man took advantage of me and I had to go to the police. They never found the guy and my foster parents told me that I was forced to have the baby if I was pregnant, I was but lost the baby. They never knew that, nobody does besides my fiancé.
A lot happened and frankly I can't describe it all because I would be here all day, but I soon enough went back to my mom and I'm still here today. 21 years old, and I am stuck here. My mom still has problems and I can't get a job, I can't do anything because I lost all motivation to.
I really thought I had it bad, nothing else could've happened but so much happened ever since I was 17 years old.
I got diagnosed with diabetes, nobody in my family has it so it was really random. At first I was okay but this disease has taken control over my life, when my mom began to mistreat me again I stopped taking care of myself. When I was forced to live in a shelter because of her treatment that's when I stopped managing it, I stopped caring. And to this day I can't fix myself no matter how much I tell myself I am destroying myself. I tell myself to take my medication consistently, I tell myself to eat better, eat something or to stop eating since I starve myself and binge a lot. But it's too late, it's already taking affects on my body. I can't see, I can't feel anything and I can't do this anymore.
It's all my fault and I wished I didn't lose hope, if I didn't I think I would've still had some will to live. But I know my future looks dim now, even typing is hard since my vision is so off. I hate this never-ending pain, I attempted so many times just for me to fail time and time again.
I just want things to end, I want to go to an afterlife where I can finally breathe.
But at the same time, I don't want to leave my fiancé behind since I love him so much. He has been the only good thing in my life and I don't want him to be sad because of my choices, I told him how I felt and vented so he knows what I want to do soon. I just don't want to leave him alone, I don't want to hurt anyone by my choice. I want everything to end, but how can I let it when I will leave someone this important to me behind?
I'm also afraid of what happens when I die, I have a belief of an afterlife but what if the afterlife gets boring at one point? If it gets boring what then? I don't want to live another life here on earth if it's this sufferable. I don't want to sound selfish, I hope I'm not. I just want a happy ending for myself, I want control in my life for once since I never had any from the beginning.
