dontletthembribeyou
autistic girlfailure
- Mar 4, 2025
- 134
Looking at old pictures of myself I'm starting to realize just how much I legitimately never stood a chance. I had beady sunken eyes, jowls, laugh lines, and a nose hump with a bulbous tip consistently from the time I was a literal toddler and all of that has only gotten worse as I got older.
It's almost comical to me how confused my parents were that I had literally 0 friends all throughout school, how I was so severely depressed and suicidal at such a young age despite having such a privileged upbringing. But they refused to acknowledge it, I guess because it would hurt my feelings or whatever- as if my feelings weren't already hurt from being treated like shit by literally everyone around me due to my looks. Given that, anyone honest have predicted that my years of intense therapy and trying basically every antidepressant drug on the market would all amount to nothing.
I can't accept that this is my life - condemned to work a dead end minimum wage job until I die, despite being reasonably intelligent and college educated (though, for the record, I don't think anyone deserves this kind of life even if they are dumb and/or uneducated). No homeownership, no real social life, no family, nothing but abuse and exploitation that will only get worse as I get older and uglier and capitalism gets more dystopian. Not to mention my chronic pain that's spreading and getting more and more unbearable by the day that I can't get any doctors to give a shit about just because they see my fucked up face and assume I'm a drug addict trying to get prescribed opiates despite the fact that I barely even drink or smoke weed anymore. Even when I pass that hurdle the solutions they offer me are all wildly out of my price range.
Given all my symptoms I wouldn't be surprised if i had some kind of genetic disorder but I can't be bothered to look into it because it's not like I can (or ever could) do anything about it. I genuinely believe I'm just bad stock and should have been tossed out either before or immediately after being born. But the system needs people like me so they can abuse, exploit, and squeeze every last drop of profit out of before letting us die early with no one to grieve us.
And if you are attractive and you're about to reply to lecture me about how your life is hard too and how exhausting it is to have everyone like you more than you like them or whatever kindly shove it. You know what you're doing and you know that if you had to swap bodies with me for a day you'd be hanging from the ceiling by dinnertime. You know that being ugly doesn't protect me from being sexually harassed or raped or abused or anything - it just prevented anyone from believing me or giving a shit when those things did happen to me
It's almost comical to me how confused my parents were that I had literally 0 friends all throughout school, how I was so severely depressed and suicidal at such a young age despite having such a privileged upbringing. But they refused to acknowledge it, I guess because it would hurt my feelings or whatever- as if my feelings weren't already hurt from being treated like shit by literally everyone around me due to my looks. Given that, anyone honest have predicted that my years of intense therapy and trying basically every antidepressant drug on the market would all amount to nothing.
I can't accept that this is my life - condemned to work a dead end minimum wage job until I die, despite being reasonably intelligent and college educated (though, for the record, I don't think anyone deserves this kind of life even if they are dumb and/or uneducated). No homeownership, no real social life, no family, nothing but abuse and exploitation that will only get worse as I get older and uglier and capitalism gets more dystopian. Not to mention my chronic pain that's spreading and getting more and more unbearable by the day that I can't get any doctors to give a shit about just because they see my fucked up face and assume I'm a drug addict trying to get prescribed opiates despite the fact that I barely even drink or smoke weed anymore. Even when I pass that hurdle the solutions they offer me are all wildly out of my price range.
Given all my symptoms I wouldn't be surprised if i had some kind of genetic disorder but I can't be bothered to look into it because it's not like I can (or ever could) do anything about it. I genuinely believe I'm just bad stock and should have been tossed out either before or immediately after being born. But the system needs people like me so they can abuse, exploit, and squeeze every last drop of profit out of before letting us die early with no one to grieve us.
And if you are attractive and you're about to reply to lecture me about how your life is hard too and how exhausting it is to have everyone like you more than you like them or whatever kindly shove it. You know what you're doing and you know that if you had to swap bodies with me for a day you'd be hanging from the ceiling by dinnertime. You know that being ugly doesn't protect me from being sexually harassed or raped or abused or anything - it just prevented anyone from believing me or giving a shit when those things did happen to me
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