Life going well, still wanna die. Anyone else get this?

[gwensaysgoodbye]

Does anyone else get really intense whiplash after they've had really good days? Like. The day before was so good that the next day you can't help but reflect on it all and get a weird happy / sad combo that makes you end up crying and making you wish to end it all so you can go out on a "good note"? I've had some of the best days ever ans now I'm just reflecting on them and up to this point in my life and getting really emotional and having this weird feeling of "I made so much progress and things are going so well. I fucked up bad in the past but I'm finally happy now and things are finally good. I should die now so that way I can die happy." Like Kinda like how you give a dog a good day before you put it down. I feel like that. Except I'm the dog and I want to put myself down so I can make sure I've at least been able to die happy.

 

[sacrilegeofsouls]

Does anyone else get really intense whiplash after they've had really good days? Like. The day before was so good that the next day you can't help but reflect on it all and get a weird happy / sad combo that makes you end up crying and making you wish to end it all so you can go out on a "good note"? I've had some of the best days ever ans now I'm just reflecting on them and up to this point in my life and getting really emotional and having this weird feeling of "I made so much progress and things are going so well. I fucked up bad in the past but I'm finally happy now and things are finally good. I should die now so that way I can die happy." Like Kinda like how you give a dog a good day before you put it down. I feel like that. Except I'm the dog and I want to put myself down so I can make sure I've at least been able to die happy.

It's funny I had that exact line on my bio on a social media platform "somedays are so good you'd wish your life just ended right there" for me it may sound silly but I finished this anime called your lie in april that I really loved I felt great it was very moving and then I woke up early in the morning it was a beautiful brilliant rain outside the sky was so dark despite it being very thoroughly into the morning and I had a warm cup of milk next to me I was home alone listening to music on the big soundbox the soundtrack of that anime i finished earlier and at that moment everything felt so perfect the weather my surroundings my emotions that I felt like killing myself I was afraid that this peace would soon be washed away and destroyed and I just wanted my life to freeze in that moment forever or end sort of felt like I've had enough that I could rest easy now

 

[purebliss]

Huh
So I am not alone with that

All thoughts somehow lead to that thinking
I can literally have my gf in my arms and everything is warm and coddly just for my brain to push that funny "now is a nice time to end it" thought in.

Has become way less intrusive
But most definitely still prevalent

 

[Subject 01]

yes, absolutely!! technically my life is going well so far, way better than before, but while my situation improved i haven't healed much :( i'm not struggling financially, i have a boyfriend, my family loves me. so why is my mind just telling me to just kill myself nonetheless? i mean, sure, i still have huge issues with self-confidence and self-love but that shouldn't be a reason as i still have a good life. i feel ungrateful because my brain just decided that it's not enough :(

for example, today, i went to my boyfriend's house and we had a good time playing video games together. then it was time to go home. it was night-time, around 10:30 pm. i have to cross a bridge every time i go home and it's high enough for me to jump and die (i think? i checked online and it says so). at this hour there were no cars driving on the bridge and nobody to stop me, so my mind just pondered whether i should jump or not. i stood ten minutes staring at the dark water. i wanted to jump but at the same time i didn't want to because life is going well. soooo weird. like i just had a good day, why am i suddenly suicidal?

i'm so over it because it makes me feel helpless. i thought i wanted to kill myself because my life used to be really shitty, but now that it improved and i still want to kill myself, i'm left confused because how do i get rid of these thoughts? ugh