Discussion LGBTQIA+ support megathread

[MakinItHappen111]

Hi everyone,

Feel free to use this thread as a safe space to vent about your personal issues with being LGBTQIA+. If you need support, advice, or just someone to listen, you're welcome here. Please be kind to each other, do not spread hate, harass others, or argue about someone else's identity. If you're comfortable, share what kind of help you'd like.

 

[MaeW]

So great. This kind of space is much needed

 

[MakinItHappen111]

thread flopped lol

 

[neverexistedd]

I was always closeted all my life but I don't mind it at all, I never had any hope in finding a partner and I don't even think I want to be with anyone anymore, I hate how sexual and predatory the gay community is and how everyone creates some labels that mean nothing and try to apply them to everyone, I feel disconnected from everyone

 

[trying ungracefully]

I'm gender fluid and my brother is ftm. My boyfriend seems ignorant to things. We got into a small argument because he was saying how trans people shouldn't bring up the transgender part and just bring up that they are a man or woman. Forgetting other identities like mine and not realizing that being trans is something that is still not completely socially accepted so it needs to be brought up until there is complete equality.

And he said how transgender people shouldn't bring it up negatively. That came from when I told him him saying my brother lacks testosterone is transphobic even though he meant it in the way that white people have less testosterone. He said it shouldn't' be brought up because my brother has transitioned fully at this point.

It got me upset too because for me it needs to be brought up if I ever want to come out and be recognized as gender fluid. No one can guess based on looking at me because I appear female and I like feminine clothing sometimes so then there is no luck there. Non binary is less accepted than mtf/ftm in my opinion so I want to be able to defend myself if someone if ever offensive because it is disrespectful to myself not to.

And maybe I got more upset because before this conversation started we were talking about him messing with his little sister and he said "be happy you don't have an older brother" even though my brother is older than me. I feel like I saw in that moment that he doesn't recognize him as a man fully even though he might him while he was only identifying as male. He should have said something like "be happy you don't have an older brother who does that".

He also doesn't recognize me as gender fluid I think. I told him he doesn't have to use different pronouns because no one else knows but he doesn't want me to get a binder and even offered me a tattoo if I choose not to get one. I've just not been wanting to get it because I have to order to my house and my family doesn't know and I don't want them asking questions. But I know when I get one he is going to be upset in a "joking" way which is putting me off too. I don't want to be seen as ugly in his eyes even if it helps me, I have a bigger chest so even in baggy clothing you can see them.

--

I don't know if I want to come out fully and it's funny because my brother always says he can't be the only trans person in the family lol. I'm not going to transition medically (I would love a deep voice but I can't choose the changes with testosterone ) so I can just keep it a secret.

 

[hiiiii]

I was always closeted all my life but I don't mind it at all, I never had any hope in finding a partner and I don't even think I want to be with anyone anymore, I hate how sexual and predatory the gay community is and how everyone creates some labels that mean nothing and try to apply them to everyone, I feel disconnected from everyone

have you interacted with gay people in real life? or are you primarily talking about annoying people on the internet?
i think either way you ultimately get to choose who you interact with and actually do not have to be around people who make you feel this alienated! there are actually a lot of people who have similar feelings, and it may be worth seeking out likeminded people instead of completely giving up.
but i will say if you are closeted it might be worth thinking about what specifically is provoking such a visceral reaction in you. does that disgust/repulsion you feel towards XYZ kind of gay people actually end up impacting your own identity and self esteem?

 

[BradGuy123]

I grew up gay in a time where it wasn't accepted and there were no positive portrayal of gay people on TV. I grew up in a conservative area of the country in a church where they taught it was a sin. I had a lot of self doubt and inner turmoil. Now I am a fully confident adult, and I am very comfortable with myself. But always find myself reading a room and reading new people I meet to try to gauge if it's safe to come out to them. When I go somewhere with my partner (particularly when we are on vacation outside a metro area) I read the room whenever we go into a restaurant, tourist attraction, etc. It's second nature to me. It's sad that I feel like I have to do this.

 

[iguazo falls]

I don't know if I want to come out fully and it's funny because my brother always says he can't be the only trans person in the family lol. I'm not going to transition medically (I would love a deep voice but I can't choose the changes with testosterone ) so I can just keep it a secret.

hey i just wanted to let you know voice training is legit. before i went on t, voice training got noticeable results. its just a lot of practice. i used to use voice memos app on my phone to rant about whatever. and there are apps out there (i think the best one is called voice tools?? should be free) if you wanted to see stats on where your voice sits. IME its about using your chest and belly to speak rather than your head.

in terms of HRT, its true you can't pick and choose changes but there are people on low dose T, and when you stop taking it one of the perma changes is your voice. there is also finasteride which blocks DHT so it helps with not having as fast changes and blocking stuff like hair changes. i can't guarantee anything but if it is something you feel you would like to pursue then there are some options. i also understand not wanting to tho that is totally fair.

in regards to binders and shipping addresses, if you have a trusted friend, you can direct it there. another option is using your post office. if you are lucky, your postal system may allow you to send it to a post office for you to pick up. this is what i have done for whatever i've wanted. just double check it's possible first.

with your bf tho, yeah he doesn't sound like someone who is happy to see you be yourself. i got irked particularly with him not seeing your brother as a man, and him bribing you not to buy a binder. and the reason trans people bring up we are trans isn't even usually our choice, we don't magically fully transition and have zero records of prior names/documents and be fully cis passing in a day. society is rather unkind (or even violent/persecutory) to us who don't fit cishet expectations, and when we do fit those expectations (if we are able to access medical care and whatever we need for transition whether it be clothes/binders etc), we still face legal and medical discrimination. not to mention it takes one person to out you to others to ruin being stealth. that is why people talk about being transgender. i hope some day you can find more supportive people who see you for who you are and not for who they want you to be.

 

[Celerity]

Thanks for starting the thread. I have been closeted for most of my adult life and have complicated feelings about my sexuality. Only my friends and my mother know. Some of the extended family may suspect since I have never brought a man home, but they have been gracious enough to keep it to themselves.

After struggling with a lot of tortured feelings throughout my teens, I only came to tentatively accept that I might be bisexual when I became an atheist, and then I conveniently set aside the possibility of dating women because it was more difficult - nevermind that I found most men physically repulsive and had absolutely zero enthusiasm for trying to date.

Throughout my late teens and twenties, I consumed a lot of erotica and had a rich fantasy life. My tastes, at least by fanfiction standards, have remained pretty tame, but this understandably created a lot of confusion for me. It still does. Even though the lesbians watching gay porn trope is pretty well known, a lot of people would take my enjoyment of straight romance as proof that I must be bisexual.

Actually trying to put this supposed attraction into practice with men has not gone well though even when drunk. Absolutely no sensation below the belt and feeling like I am having an out-of-body experience in a distinctly unpleasant way.

It took falling in love with a woman to face facts. Whatever I may feel about men, my feelings for women are certainly much stronger. It might be wishful thinking on my part, but I believe she too is closeted. In either case, she dropped me like a rock, and maybe it was for the best. I am trying to escape the country or at least to a better part of it. Maybe I will get lucky and find a woman in my state within the next year or two before I leave, but I'm not counting on it.

For now, I am very lonely, and like many people here in the thread, find it much easier to stay in the closet. I get enough flack for being gender non-conforming. I don't need to add "deviant" sexuality to it.