letting yourself fall to ruin ?

[Fadeawaaaay]

I'm supposed to get dental surgery but delaying… just don't care. About this. Or anything else.
I used to love cooking. I just had spaghetti with butter for dinner. Too much trouble to go to the store.
I used to run everyday. Had not missed a day in 20 years. Stopped a month ago.
Some days I don't leave the house. Am hoping this is some form of suicide but I'm guessing it's not in the manual.
Hoping some form of terminal illness is growing inside me.
My mother similarly self destructed. Did not properly take care of herself. But it took years for the consequences to manifest.
Throwing in the towel apparently runs in the family. No more fuel in the gas tank. A lifetime of errors.

 

[Foresight]

It is hard to put any effort into something you feel is sinking. You ran daily for 20 years? That's some motivated behavior. I'm impressed.

 

[ShatteredSoul]

I decline my cervical smears now. I just stopped caring.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It is hard to put any effort into something you feel is sinking. You ran daily for 20 years? That's some motivated behavior. I'm impressed.

I was addicted to running.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Yeh I remember when I was younger they said one of the classic signs of impending suicide is someone giving stuff away. I've fallen into that pattern but it's more taking the form of spending money on things I never would have considered before and being more generous

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that often when people are suicidal, they have no energy left to live and they die inside in a way, but we are kept alive by a powerful survival instinct. More than anything I wish that it was easier to leave this world and be free from all suffering. We all deserve the option of a peaceful exit at a time of our own choosing, as life is so meaningless after all, all we are doing is just passing time until we eventually die.