Let me share me history

[VivaldiBR]

I was happy, or at least happier until two years ago. In 2019, things started to go wrong and life hit me hard.

I lost my job and haven't gotten another one so far; I ended a 7-year relationship, in which I was betrayed; I moved back in with my parents, and a I really hate my father; I started to go bald and get older (wrinkles appear all over my face), which is making me feel very ugly; I moved away from my friends, because of the effects of my depression; I started to develop back pain; the country I live in has faced a political and economic crisis for more than 5 years. And unfortunately, I can't afford psychological treatment.

I am now 30 years old. I don't know if this is normal for those going through this phase, but it's been 6 months since I thought about CTB every single day. I know a local history of suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning and this seems to be the most accessible method for me.

That's just an outburst.

Ps.: Sorry about my English. It is not my native language.
My history*

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

sorry to hear that life has brought you here. i hope this forum can help you.

and your english is fine, don't worry about it.

 

[DyingAlf]

Welcome to SS
Your English is good
Sorry that you're struggling

 

[Sinkinshyp]

Welcome to SS. I could not tell english isn't your main language. You're fine. I'm so sorry what has brought you here.

 

[watsonsmith]

I'm sorry you are going through all this. I am in a similar boat, 30, lost a job and a relationship, moved back with my mom after 12 years of independence, also have a very strenuous relationship with my father.

It's a really bad place to be in, I can't see how to get back out of it, especially being 30 now... back in my 20s I felt that if it came down to this I would get a bit of a free pass for some months/a couple of years, but I fell like a complete failure now.

Anyway, just wanted to say – I feel you, you're not alone.

 

[Gentleman]

You look good for a 17th century guy.

 

[VivaldiBR]

Thanks, everyone. :)

 

[Ghost2211]

Hi, it's very nice to meet you. Feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk, and your english is fine