Venting Last option

[Life_and_Death]

I can't go into details so don't ask.

But....

What do you do when you run out of options?

 

[Ghost2211]

About life or about methods?

 

[Life_and_Death]

About life or about methods?

Life. I backed myself into a major corner

 

[Ghost2211]

I think thats why a lot of us are here.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I think thats why a lot of us are here.

I haven't seen anyone mention anything like this. It's typically the opposite.


I could share but I already know the "advice" I'll probably get plus it sets me up for being hated so.....idk

 

[Sarahlynn]

I will CTB earlier than expected because I have gotten myself in a hole there is no way out of. In a year I will be poor, without my apartment, my car, or money to do anything. I guess I do have the option of just keep suffering, but I consider myself out of options, so the only way out is to CTB.

I guess that would be the answer to your question as well, but it is hard to say without knowing the circumstances. When depressed, one can think there is no way because of the depression, while in reality there is possibillities. But that demands the will to go on and external help.

 

[Ghost2211]

It's cool if you don't want to say. I know how it feels to be out of options, and I'll ctb when my last options run out.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I will CTB earlier than expected because I have gotten myself in a hole there is no way out of. In a year I will be poor, without my apartment, my car, or money to do anything. I guess I do have the option of just keep suffering, but I consider myself out of options, so the only way out is to CTB.

I guess that would be the answer to your question as well, but it is hard to say without knowing the circumstances. When depressed, one can think there is no way because of the depression, while in reality there is possibillities. But that demands the will to go on and external help.

I mean externally there's a way out. But for me emotionally I just can't. Too many people would get hurt and only 1 person will be happy and that person isn't me

 

[Ghost2211]

I mean externally there's a way out. But for me emotionally I just can't. Too many people would get hurt and only 1 person will be happy and that person isn't me

If ctb isn't an option then in your place I would try to expand my comfort zone of what I consider options.

 

[Life_and_Death]

If ctb isn't an option then in your place I would try to expand my comfort zone of what I consider options.

Ctb is my last option

F it. If someone wants to hate me for caring then that's their problem

So I've mentioned my friend here a bit and my husband. They both like me. They both care about me. And it would emotionally kill them both to be without me. And they are both amazing guys I'd do anything for...... I just don't know anymore. They hate each other and I don't want to hurt either of them :(

 

[Ghost2211]

Ctb is my last option

F it. If someone wants to hate me for caring then that's their problem

So I've mentioned my friend here a bit and my husband. They both like me. They both care about me. And it would emotionally kill them both to be without me. And they are both amazing guys I'd do anything for...... I just don't know anymore. They hate each other and I don't want to hurt either of them :(

Why would anyone hate you for that?

 

[Life_and_Death]

Why would anyone hate you for that?

Because people hate cheaters

 

[Ghost2211]

Because people hate cheaters

I can see hating someone that cheats on them, but what you do in your relationship is your business.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I can see hating someone that cheats on them, but what you do in your relationship is your business.

I've been cheating since I was 14. On EVERYONE. For the most part I don't regret it. They never cared but this is killing me inside and idk what to do anymore

 

[Ghost2211]

I've been cheating since I was 14. On EVERYONE. For the most part I don't regret it. They never cared but this is killing me inside and idk what to do anymore

You said they never cared and you don't regret it, so why does it upset you? Also, why not enter into an open relationship where there is the understanding you want more than one lover?

 

[Life_and_Death]

You said they never cared and you don't regret it, so why does it upset you? Also, why not enter into an open relationship where there is the understanding you want more than one lover?

Because both have them have made it clear that's not happening. And I don't care about all the ex's I cheated on but this situation is different because they both care about me and I care about them. I never cared about my ex's.

 

[Ghost2211]

Because both have them have made it clear that's not happening. And I don't care about all the ex's I cheated on but this situation is different because they both care about me and I care about them. I never cared about my ex's.

That's a rough spot to be in. Unfortunately if they don't want to share then you just can't have it all. I can see why you wouldn't want to take the leap in either direction since you risk losing both, or at least harming one. What about just staying close friends with both and being lovers with neither?

 

[marcusuk63]

Life. I backed myself into a major corner

Ditto

 

[Life_and_Death]

That's a rough spot to be in. Unfortunately if they don't want to share then you just can't have it all. I can see why you wouldn't want to take the leap in either direction since you risk losing both, or at least harming one. What about just staying close friends with both and being lovers with neither?

I'm kinda already married to one of them. And I tried being friends but..... It doesn't work out like that very good.

Without going into details, personality disorder and they both have their place lol

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm kinda already married to one of them. And I tried being friends but..... It doesn't work out like that very good.

Without going into details, personality disorder and they both have their place lol

Oh yes, the issue of one being a spouse rather than just two dudes.... I see what you mean by backed into a corner. I've been the spouse end of your relationship dynamic. I don't know how your guys are taking it, but I can you it wore me and the my now ex's gf down over time. In the end he lost both because neither of us could take it anymore. I only say this for adding a perspective.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Oh yes, the issue of one being a spouse rather than just two dudes.... I see what you mean by backed into a corner. I've been the spouse end of your relationship dynamic. I don't know how your guys are taking it, but I can you it wore me and the my now ex's gf down over time. In the end he lost both because neither of us could take it anymore. I only say this for adding a perspective.

I just can't see a situation where everyone is happy (I'm gonna fucking kill my keyboard it keeps disappearing ugh)
I've been keeping this too myself for too long. I can't tell my friend he'll feel bad. I can't tell my husband he'll get upset. I can't tell my therapist my husband will ask why I'm going alone......and I felt like I couldn't say anything here because it's all my own fault and cheating is wrong and everything

 

[Ghost2211]

I just can't see a situation where everyone is happy (I'm gonna fucking kill my keyboard it keeps disappearing ugh)
I've been keeping this too myself for too long. I can't tell my friend he'll feel bad. I can't tell my husband he'll get upset. I can't tell my therapist my husband will ask why I'm going alone......and I felt like I couldn't say anything here because it's all my own fault and cheating is wrong and everything

To be honest situations like that tend to end up with everyone unhappy. It's not unreasonable for you to ask to talk to a therapist alone, and if it's a couples therapist you probably should since it's relevant to your relationship dynamic.

 

[Life_and_Death]

To be honest situations like that tend to end up with everyone unhappy. It's not unreasonable for you to ask to talk to a therapist alone, and if it's a couples therapist you probably should since it's relevant to your relationship dynamic.

I probably won't for a while though. I just got a new therapist and trust issues and everything. I'm just not sure what to do anymore

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm sorry you're in this situation, @Life_and_Death. I've also cheated in some form in every relationship I've been in. I perhaps am not meant to be in a monogamous relationship. But if you're interested in people who only want monogamous relationships, you're kind of stuck.

To be honest with you, the real issue I sense from your posts is not so much the situation, but your fears. There are solutions and paths forward for you. Most paths will end up with someone hurt; some with everyone hurt. But I think your solution may become apparent by overcoming your fears, whether it's talking to your therapist, or initiating a challenging conversation with one of the interested parties. It is undoubtedly uncomfortable, but it's your way forward.

 

[Life_and_Death]

challenging conversation

Like what?

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Like what?

Being honest or up front about the situation with one of them? Or maybe telling your husband that you want more and see where things go from there? I'm not an expert with your situation nor a therapist so I can't claim to know the best avenue here, but marriage has taught me that communication is always better than silence and secrecy.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Being honest or up front about the situation with one of them? Or maybe telling your husband that you want more and see where things go from there? I'm not an expert with your situation nor a therapist so I can't claim to know the best avenue here, but marriage has taught me that communication is always better than silence and secrecy.

I already tried this. And none of it was good

 

[checkouttime]

I felt like I couldn't say anything here because it's all my own fault and cheating is wrong and everything

I would say you have every right to talk about whatever you want and not be judged, especially on this site. And even someone hates/or was abusive, what does what they say matter (Oh, thats coming from someone who really doesn't like cheating aswell!!!). I'm not here to judge you,i have probably done far worse things in life.

People can choose to ignore posts/threads they dislike. I think for the most part people will want to help or at least try on here. I can see it is a problem you have and are upset about, so im not going to abuse or hate to make you feel worse, unless i was a DICK!!

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I already tried this. And none of it was good

But perhaps the reality is that there will be pain no matter the outcome. How can you minimize the pain or keep it in the short term? Your current situation is not sustainable, and Meerut damaging to you. You need to forge ahead on a chosen path - accept the pain that comes with it, but (fingers crossed) feel good about the future.

 

[ladolcemorte]

I don't think you are out of options. Sounds like you can choose between one of two men, or leave both and look for a partner who is cool with polyamory. Of course people will be hurt either way, but people will definitely be hurt if you kill yourself.

I can see how this situation would be emotionally difficult, but is it really worth dying over? Worst case scenario you end up single, with a broken heart. Being single is not the end of the world, and broken hearts eventually heal. (Emphasis on eventually...)

I almost killed myself over a break up once, and I'm so glad I didn't. (Granted I am here now, but for far different reasons.) I don't doubt that your feelings of desperation are very real, but I think you should give yourself some time to sort things out, because it may not feel like this forever. I don't want to sound dismissive, but for what it's worth, I really do think this is something that can be worked out.