last hurrah

[EsotericAngel]

After years of suicide attempts (over 13 in total), this is going to be my last, permanent attempt. I am going to overdose, and then hang myself using the guide for good measure. I am almost certain it will work. 99% sure.

I am glad to leave this life behind. It has caused me so much misery. I had a wonderful boyfriend who gave me a life worth living, and he left me. I am back in an abusive situation, I have no job or money or friends, I am unable to work due to crippling physical and mental disability but I keep getting denied SSI since the system is fucking broken.

I can't keep going. Life is not made for someone like me. Every good thing I have gets brutally ripped out of my hands. Having light just makes the dark seem darker.

I am done trying to recover. I am in therapy twice a week, see a prescriber twice a month, and am on a cocktail of potent medications that only barely help. I have tried countless pills and therapies since I first got into the mental health world at 14.

I am ready to go.

Any advice how I should spend my last day?? I have no money or transportation.

 

[Noctis]

It depends what you like. For me, listening to relaxing music and sitting alone in silence sounds like the best last day, but that might sound incredibly boring to lots of people.

What sort of things would you like to do on your last day?

 

[ClownMe]

I'm sorry life has been so cruel to you and that you've had so many unsuccessful suicide attempts. Maybe you could spend your last day(s) watching movies/tv shows that you like? It's something simple that doesn't really cost any money.

 

[EsotericAngel]

It depends what you like. For me, listening to relaxing music and sitting alone in silence sounds like the best last day, but that might sound incredibly boring to lots of people.

What sort of things would you like to do on your last day?

Listening to music sounds awesome. I have wireless headphones so I will be playing music when I ctb.

I will probably spend time with my cat, spend time outside in nature, watch my favorite episodes of my favorite shows one last time

I have my note written out, it is addressed to the one person in my life who has shown me constant kindness. I have done all the work, this last day is just for me.

I'm sorry life has been so cruel to you and that you've had so many unsuccessful suicide attempts. Maybe you could spend your last day(s) watching movies/tv shows that you like? It's something simple that doesn't really cost any money.

yesss I am gonna binge so much netflix lol. Thank you kind stranger for the understanding.

Just for more context that I didn't include in my post regarding cruelty: I came from a domestic violence situation at home, was trafficked for 4 years starting at age 9, was raped and abused countless times after that as a teenager and adult… been in multiple abusive relationships… boyfriend of 4 years was kind to me that entire time, always respected me and we lived together happily for 3. He suddenly dumped me a week before Christmas and i was forced to move back into my parents house because all the shelters were full

my life should have ended long ago. I am excited for the pain to end

 

[Starchaser]

I'm sorry for your situation homie.

I probably would make a playlist for the "time/day" to CTB.
Also seeing photos of family and beloved friends on celphone.
Maybe watching some nostalgic movies on TV?
Not sure yet if I would leave a letter, maybe a poetic one for whoever find my body.

 

[TheWood]

Do what you like, whether it's to do some excursions, a simple walk, music, tv series, movies, aperitifs etc. I hope you'll find the peace you are looking for in this world or elsewhere

 

[Chiisai]

Whatever decision you make, I wish you find the peace you so deserve and long for. Hugs.

 

[Al_stargate]

Sorry about what you've been through. Seems really rough, I can't imagine. Going back home where you experienced trauma must feel like a punch in the gut. You wrote that you lived happily for 3 years. Is there no way you could see yourself being happy again? It seems your breakup happened recently. You thought about giving it some time or trying to find another kind person. There are things you enjoy, so there is still hope. Anyhow, wish you well!

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so unbearable what you are going through. This life is just so cruel and unfair. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. I wish you the best, and I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever happens.