I've been suicidal my whole life but lately it's so much worse. I've attempted twice but now I've ordered some SN. Every time I try to talk to someone about how I feel they freak the hell out and make everything so much worse. I just want to talk to someone - have someone understand. It's exhausting.
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FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 48,613
I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, this life certainly is exhausting. I have also never wanted to be alive, I am not meant for this world at all. I know that it can be dreadful when things just get worse. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
Thank you. I just wish people gave a shit about someone being suicidal instead of trying to guilt them into staying alive.It's been really hard for me to keep my big mouth shut about this recently, to my partner, to my ex-wife, to my father, to my uncle.
Why? Because I know exactly what will happen.
I've had a recent health scare which to them makes all my preparations look fairly logical, so that's been helpful.
But there's no way in God's green earth that I'd ever admit my suicidal ideation to anyone. I own this process.
Yeah… I guess that's what I need to do, too. I just wish someone would be there.
Well you're in the right place...
...now all you need to do is turn that frown upside down!
Kidding! LOL.
Vent. Scream. Rant. We're all here and in the same leaky boat as you.
I'm pretty sure that if I went for a walk it would cure my major depression. That's what I've been told anyways XD
I'm just SO OVER EVERYTHING. Any time my friends have been suicidal I've made sure not to frickin guilt them, and that's all I can get when I open up. You'd think they'd want us to stay alive by NOT ostracizing us.
I used to live in a really pretty place in Ireland where I'd regularly walk along the coast, and if anything, it made me feel even more alone.
Maybe I shouldn't have been listening to Smiths cassettes on my Walkman (that dates me!).
Honestly it just helps that you understand it. That anyone does. The loneliness and isolation of it all is suffocating.
zenn7
Member
- Nov 12, 2018
- 48
Think I understand (?).
I've. been depressed and suicidal for periods over most of my life .
I pretty much put on a happy face no matter what. . Ppl can smell fear/ loser vibes. It's like a wolf smelling blood. The very last thing I've wanted was someone's pity.
It took me well into adulthood to even know about AvPD. Would have done a world of good to get some group counselling. Me thinks what might have made me open up is being in a group of ppl who have been there. Most shrinks are probably thinking " what a loser". Too late now.Last edited:
13_reasons
Member
- Mar 11, 2022
- 46
This is why a place like this exists, and why I was so thankful that I stumbled upon it by accident.
People who are not suicidal will never know how to be just a listener or sympathetic ear. Sometimes we are in so much pain we just need to be able to share it with someone we know-but it almost always ends badly.
If I get told "but there's so much to live for- you've got your whole life ahead of you" one more time I'll scream. Doesn't help, never helps. Making a cup of tea is not going to fix years of abuse from family members.
Anyway- I hope you find a good outlet for your pain. I started off obsessively reading coroners reports of suicides in my country- really fascinating, and they go into so much detail that I'm confused why NYT didn't target coroners rather than SS
But it helps when I've woken up in the middle of the night and am left alone with my thoughts.
Stay strong
onlyanimalsaregood
Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
- Mar 11, 2022
- 1,329
I'm so sorry for your suffering. Life can be truly unfair. I want you to know that you're not alone, you have us that understand the feeling so if you ever feel like venting or talking about anything, you can contact me :)
Ahah I couldn't have said it better.This is why a place like this exists, and why I was so thankful that I stumbled upon it by accident.
People who are not suicidal will never know how to be just a listener or sympathetic ear. Sometimes we are in so much pain we just need to be able to share it with someone we know-but it almost always ends badly.
If I get told "but there's so much to live for- you've got your whole life ahead of you" one more time I'll scream. Doesn't help, never helps. Making a cup of tea is not going to fix years of abuse from family members.
Anyway- I hope you find a good outlet for your pain. I started off obsessively reading coroners reports of suicides in my country- really fascinating, and they go into so much detail that I'm confused why NYT didn't target coroners rather than SS But it helps when I've woken up in the middle of the night and am left alone with my thoughts.
Stay strongSimilar threads
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