AmericanMary
Mage
- Apr 30, 2024
- 598
Time for the Zesty Salts.
Thank you all for the time that I have spent on SaSu. While this community has, at time, been so so so toxic and made me mental health a lot worse, it has also been a great way to help cope, meet people in similar mindsets, and a community for me since April.
Diagnosis:
BPD
ADD
OCD
anxiety, depression, psychosis
I LOVE YOU NSFW THANK YOU SO MUCH
Thank you all for the time that I have spent on SaSu. While this community has, at time, been so so so toxic and made me mental health a lot worse, it has also been a great way to help cope, meet people in similar mindsets, and a community for me since April.
not to be impulsive.
*think about how your actions will affect others- do not traumatize random bystandards.
*people suck, everywhere.
*think about how your actions will affect others- do not traumatize random bystandards.
*people suck, everywhere.
When I joined SaSu, my
Plan was to rent a hotel room that weekend. I checked into it. I was going to cycle through methods until I was gone. Partial and full suspensions, SWB, night night, and jumping with drunk af. Then I took a breath, and got into the community.
I then decided to take a breather. I spent a while learning everything I could about CO and SN. I spent about 3000$ on these methods. My plan was to do a 48 hour regiment, drink SN, and walk into a tent of at least 10kppm. I have done 2 successful trial runs of getting the tent ppm that high. The goal of this is to CTB via CO and the SN act more as a fail safe. I drove hours away one day, set everything up, did most of a 48 hour regiment, and packed everything up and went home before stepping into the tent.
However, I'm tired. CO takes so much time and work to set up.
So I decided just SN. I will go back to CO if my SN attempt fails for whatever reason.
I attempted a month ago. I got a room, set up a romantic bath and did everything but SN in my regiment. I couldn't stop thinking of my cat. I drove home benzod out, got pizza, and held her for 12 hours straight.
Plan was to rent a hotel room that weekend. I checked into it. I was going to cycle through methods until I was gone. Partial and full suspensions, SWB, night night, and jumping with drunk af. Then I took a breath, and got into the community.
I then decided to take a breather. I spent a while learning everything I could about CO and SN. I spent about 3000$ on these methods. My plan was to do a 48 hour regiment, drink SN, and walk into a tent of at least 10kppm. I have done 2 successful trial runs of getting the tent ppm that high. The goal of this is to CTB via CO and the SN act more as a fail safe. I drove hours away one day, set everything up, did most of a 48 hour regiment, and packed everything up and went home before stepping into the tent.
However, I'm tired. CO takes so much time and work to set up.
So I decided just SN. I will go back to CO if my SN attempt fails for whatever reason.
I attempted a month ago. I got a room, set up a romantic bath and did everything but SN in my regiment. I couldn't stop thinking of my cat. I drove home benzod out, got pizza, and held her for 12 hours straight.
I have switched between wanting something peaceful& romantic and something revengeful. I thought for the most part, I would go with peace. Rose petals, a long beautiful dress, full hair and makeup, a beautiful flower crown. Then I decided on revenge. Airing out those who have hurt me with as much proof as possible. Airing out this horrible company.
But in the end, I am going neither route. I am too tired to care anymore. I am not even leaving letter beyond this post & care instructions for my cat.
But in the end, I am going neither route. I am too tired to care anymore. I am not even leaving letter beyond this post & care instructions for my cat.
48 hour regiment:
Day 1:
8hrs: 10mg meto
16hrs: 10mg meto
24hrs: 10mg meto & start fasting
Day 2:
8hrs: 10mg meto
16hrs: 10mg meto
23hrs: 1000mg paracetamol + 3mg of pyrazolam
23:15hrs: 30mg meto + 8mg zofran + 400mg propanol
23:30: 800mg Tagamet
24: cheers bitchhh. 35g of SN dissolved in water & 2mg of Flubrotizolam
2 glasses on standby of SN.
24 ish hour fast
Day 1:
8hrs: 10mg meto
16hrs: 10mg meto
24hrs: 10mg meto & start fasting
Day 2:
8hrs: 10mg meto
16hrs: 10mg meto
23hrs: 1000mg paracetamol + 3mg of pyrazolam
23:15hrs: 30mg meto + 8mg zofran + 400mg propanol
23:30: 800mg Tagamet
24: cheers bitchhh. 35g of SN dissolved in water & 2mg of Flubrotizolam
2 glasses on standby of SN.
24 ish hour fast
untested SN from SD. The cheapest one.
-hitting my weed cart. I've heard controversy abt this.
-sipping on water and sugar free kool aid with regiment and thirst
-hitting my weed cart. I've heard controversy abt this.
-sipping on water and sugar free kool aid with regiment and thirst
I've talked about this several times on SaSu. Nobody in my life has a full picture. People know bits and details. Nobody knows it all.
My number is 6. From the age of 15-26, 6 men have raped me. Several with weapons. My life has been threatened several times just so a man can get off.
I am stronger. My brain is fully developed. I promise you, if a man ever holds a gun to my head again, telling me "you scream, I shoot," I will not be the one afraid. However, I'd rather leave before that can ever happen again.
When I was 15, a manager of a block buster we use to go to all of the time shoved his fingers inside of me with my mom a few isles over. He groomed me online for a year after.
When I was 18, I joined a sorority. Got drunk for the first time, or had my drink spiked, unsure. I was unconscious. I woke up covered in my own blood & my insides in so much pain. I was a lesbian. My girlfriend broke up with me for cheating on her & I was told it was better not to ruin the reputation of Greek life over a mistake someone made. I gave up ever trying again when I heard that.
The worst one was my friends dad. He picked me up one night from a sketchy event. He shoved me in his truck. He held a gun to my head repeating the phrase "you scream, I shoot," for what I watched pass on the clock to be three hours.
Once it was a cop. He was the worst. I can't even talk about that experience.
2 more times.
My appearance has decreased. I cut off all of my hair. I no longer dress up. I have purposefully gained 100lbs. All so a man would never hurt me again. However, successful.
My number is 6. From the age of 15-26, 6 men have raped me. Several with weapons. My life has been threatened several times just so a man can get off.
I am stronger. My brain is fully developed. I promise you, if a man ever holds a gun to my head again, telling me "you scream, I shoot," I will not be the one afraid. However, I'd rather leave before that can ever happen again.
When I was 15, a manager of a block buster we use to go to all of the time shoved his fingers inside of me with my mom a few isles over. He groomed me online for a year after.
When I was 18, I joined a sorority. Got drunk for the first time, or had my drink spiked, unsure. I was unconscious. I woke up covered in my own blood & my insides in so much pain. I was a lesbian. My girlfriend broke up with me for cheating on her & I was told it was better not to ruin the reputation of Greek life over a mistake someone made. I gave up ever trying again when I heard that.
The worst one was my friends dad. He picked me up one night from a sketchy event. He shoved me in his truck. He held a gun to my head repeating the phrase "you scream, I shoot," for what I watched pass on the clock to be three hours.
Once it was a cop. He was the worst. I can't even talk about that experience.
2 more times.
My appearance has decreased. I cut off all of my hair. I no longer dress up. I have purposefully gained 100lbs. All so a man would never hurt me again. However, successful.
I have worked with one company for a total of about 8.5 years. I quit after 7.5 years when my boss yelled at me for checking on someone in the hospital.
About a week later, I was hired at another store. I quit very soon after for sexual harassment. This man had been asking to sleep with me for years. Years. He was never my boss. I played into it for financial gain, but I have never touched him. I told him not to be weird as my boss, and he was. I stopped showing up.
This man has made every girl I have ever talked to that has worked for him uncomfortable. Multiple women have gone to HR. Many have quit. I personally know 5 woman who have quit due to sexual harassment from him. None of them work for the company. Guess who does? Him.
Fast forward abt 2 years and I come back. I start at a new store. I quit 3 months later because I have to tell my boss every day not to put his hands on me. Sexual or not, it made me uncomfortable. It shohld have stopped the first time I said don't touch me.
I've been at a new store for a month. My boss is 20. They're just children. I'm done.
Not to mention, one of my former bosses in this company knocked me up. He ghosted me when I told him, blocked me on everything. His baby mama helped me with that situation.
The first man who ever put his hands on me unconsensually in a violent way was also a manger for this company.
I hate it. Fuck em all.
About a week later, I was hired at another store. I quit very soon after for sexual harassment. This man had been asking to sleep with me for years. Years. He was never my boss. I played into it for financial gain, but I have never touched him. I told him not to be weird as my boss, and he was. I stopped showing up.
This man has made every girl I have ever talked to that has worked for him uncomfortable. Multiple women have gone to HR. Many have quit. I personally know 5 woman who have quit due to sexual harassment from him. None of them work for the company. Guess who does? Him.
Fast forward abt 2 years and I come back. I start at a new store. I quit 3 months later because I have to tell my boss every day not to put his hands on me. Sexual or not, it made me uncomfortable. It shohld have stopped the first time I said don't touch me.
I've been at a new store for a month. My boss is 20. They're just children. I'm done.
Not to mention, one of my former bosses in this company knocked me up. He ghosted me when I told him, blocked me on everything. His baby mama helped me with that situation.
The first man who ever put his hands on me unconsensually in a violent way was also a manger for this company.
I hate it. Fuck em all.
Diagnosis:
BPD
ADD
OCD
anxiety, depression, psychosis
I LOVE YOU NSFW THANK YOU SO MUCH
