Venting Just want to end it, and soon

[DepressedAngel]

Hi guys. I haven't been on here in a while, I really was doing better. My psychiatrist is pretty sure I have bipolar, and right now I'm in a depressive episode. I don't see the point in continuing if all that I have to look forward to when I get better is getting worse again. In other words, I'm tired of getting better and then knowing everything will go downhill again. I'm just tired. Tired of being strong. Tired of being on a planet where there are so many bad people. Oh, and did I mention that I just found out that my abusive, narcissistic father sexually assaulted me when I was 6 months old? That's the reason I have herpes, which I think I posted about a while ago. Anyways, I think I'm going to ctb this time. I'm so tired of being here, and I know I'm young, (some of you would say too young), but I'm so tired. Life has given me too much to deal with. I've been dealing with depressive episodes for three years, severe anxiety for seven, mild OCD since I was a child and PTSD for about three years. I know these illnesses don't define me, but they're what I have to live with. I hate them and love them at the same time. They are me. I am them. Anyways, I really want to cut my neck and bleed out, but I'm honestly not sure how well that would go. My other option is probably hanging or trying to OD. While I do want to leave however, I'm also waiting for someone to really care about me, so I almost want to fail and see who notices/cares. That's why I'm leaning more towards a non-lethal OD, or cutting my neck. I swear I don't do this for attention, but my illnesses have convinced me that no one will be able to save me, including myself. Anyways, sorry for the long rant, story, or whatever you want to call it. Please give me advice on either living with my illnesses and making it through this, or any information you may have on my methods of ctb. I hope you all are having an okay day, and I'm sending love and hugs to all of you

 

[Ghost2211]

There isn't a lot I can say about living with such mental illness since I haven't walked that road myself, but I'm here if you need a friend or emotional support. Hopefully ha people that care will help to some degree.

 

[airboy_a380]

Heya, sorry to hear about all of that, can't imagine the pain u going through. I'm also on a journey trying to get better but it isn't easy. But cutting your own neck doesn't seem a peaceful way to do it. OD on pills will be a waste of time, I've done it many times. You're not alone. We're all here for you. If u wanna chat my pm is always open.

 

[DepressedAngel]

Heya, sorry to hear about all of that, can't imagine the pain u going through. I'm also on a journey trying to get better but it isn't easy. But cutting your own neck doesn't seem a peaceful way to do it. OD on pills will be a waste of time, I've done it many times. You're not alone. We're all here for you. If u wanna chat my pm is always open.

I honestly don't care if its peaceful or not. It terrifies me that I may change my mind halfway through, and with that method I could possibly still do that and live. I don't know. And thank you :)