Just told my DR I'm planning to CTB. Why?

[HopefulButPrepared]

I don't know. Maybe I'm hoping they'll really try to help me now. Bring out the 'special' pain treatment they only use for the 'special' patients who really deserve it! Ha. How stupid of me. He's contacting the crisis team (3rd time) who are useless. It's so hard to get out of that brainwashed mindset, where you're told to 'reach out for help', that just isn't there. I told him, 'If you tell me that this pain is going nowhere, 100% no chance of any pain reduction, I'd be dead in a few months, once my personal stash of Oxy runs out' - he didn't know what to say, which says it all really. I'm fucked!

 

[befree]

I would never tell anyone !!! So what are you going to do now ? Trying to get a better treatment or CTB ?

 

[FuneralCry]

I would never personally see it as a good idea to tell others about wanting to ctb, but I hope that you are able to find what you are looking for and I wish you relief from your suffering in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Eternal🌈Rainbow]

I don't know. Maybe I'm hoping they'll really try to help me now.

I get this and it's completely normal that you tried to reach out and explain what your painful feelings are. I do it too. We're just desperate for the pain to end, stop, for good or even just for a few days.

You're told to 'reach out for help', that just isn't there.

Exactly!!! There is no help out there. They have to understand (though they won't) that certain mental problems cannot be helped from outside through talk therapy, or from "inside" through meds. Life, consciousness and emotions are much more than just neurotransmitters and chemistry. If that wasn't the case, everybody would be healed from their mental agonies and could live in peace. But many of them can't. I can't.
And then their solution is to blame us because "we don't want to get better". It's infuriating

 

[Euthanza]

I will only tell my CTB intention to doctors from euthanasia clinics (which is non existent in my country), others won't understand.

 

[HopefulButPrepared]

I would never tell anyone !!! So what are you going to do now ? Trying to get a better treatment or CTB ?

Well, I admitted that the only reason things seemed to be improving; going to the gym, riding my bike, the physical chronic pain decreasing somewhat, was because I was taking quick release Oxycodone bought online, as opposed to his 10 mg a day slow release - so now he's considering giving me the quick release, and a higher dose - so maybe there's hope, even if it just buys me a bit more time to see how much I can improve with exercise - I started going through Oxy withdrawal Friday night - believe me, it's horrible! I woke up at 1 am, arms and legs flailing about like a spastic, and squealing in pain like a pig! You don't want to go there. It was right out of the film Trainspotting.

I get this and it's completely normal that you tried to reach out and explain what your painful feelings are. I do it too. We're just desperate for the pain to end, stop, for good or even just for a few days.

exactly - most people don't want to die, they just want to live a good life, pain-free

Life, consciousness and emotions are much more than just neurotransmitters and chemistry.

Imagine in 300 years from now - I bet they will be able to cure chronic pain and mental health problems with a quick visit to the hospital - some machine pin-points the problem area in the central nervous system and you're cured! Maybe...

I would never personally see it as a good idea to tell others about wanting to ctb, but I hope that you are able to find what you are looking for and I wish you relief from your suffering in whatever you decide to do.

Thank you - he wants to see me tomorrow about changing type of Oxy to one that hits fast, with regular doses, rather than slow release, so hopefully he'll comply, if it's a life or death situation, which it is!

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Maybe your subconscious is just reaching out for help the only way it knows how.

 

[HopefulButPrepared]

Maybe your subconscious is just reaching out for help the only way it knows how.

or the only way it's ever been brainwashed into thinking!

 

[locked*n*loaded]

or the only way it's ever been brainwashed into thinking!

Yeah, I guess that is a possibility, too.