I came across this site a few weeks ago, and finally signed up for it this morning. I'm female & in my mid 30s, I've worked in healthcare since my teens & have felt depressed for as long as I can remember. Had a serious CTB attempt in my late teens & have muddled through life since then, have had some good times but as the thread title suggests, have struggled with, and fought against feeling suicidal, depressed, unloveable and so lonely. I'm just so tired of it. But I don't know how else to be, I've tried everything over the years. It gets so frustrating.
I stick around for my family and friends, but always have the feeling that they will move on, they lead their own lives, and I can't live for other people anymore. I get resentful of the people I help through my work, and of everyone else for moving forward in their lives, and then I feel like a sh*tty person for being resentful. It's a no win situation.
I've been giving CTB a lot more thought and proper consideration again, and have already found this site so useful in terms of practical information but also as an accepting and supportive community. I hope I can positively contribute too. I know that if I do attempt to CTB again it has to be successful, so I have to plan it properly.
I stick around for my family and friends, but always have the feeling that they will move on, they lead their own lives, and I can't live for other people anymore. I get resentful of the people I help through my work, and of everyone else for moving forward in their lives, and then I feel like a sh*tty person for being resentful. It's a no win situation.
I've been giving CTB a lot more thought and proper consideration again, and have already found this site so useful in terms of practical information but also as an accepting and supportive community. I hope I can positively contribute too. I know that if I do attempt to CTB again it has to be successful, so I have to plan it properly.
