Jumping_realms
★☆★ ☠️★☆★
- Jul 4, 2021
- 482
I was shown this site from a friend. It is a wealth of knowledge I needed. I lurked for a few weeks unregistered, then tried and it took some time to get it. It's not a big deal at all, especially because my method was obtained by the time I was accepted, so thanks for allowing me to be a member .
I don't have a date set, I am not the type of person that can say on my B-day, I'm done. I am much more spontaneous and impulsive. I stay suicidal essentially 24/7, with obsessive thoughts over it. The 4 attempts I've had, have all been on very bad days, when I just knew I couldn't go on. All four landed me in icu and then all the shit that follows, such as psych ward etc. One was long term rehab to relearn speech and everything, while security watched me in my room because after I started to get better, I kept taking off all things helping me survive and trying to run out of the hospital because I was withdrawing from the amount of benzos I was doing as well as IV fentanyl habit and methadone. They only gave me my regular 90mg methadone and 2 2mg xanax a day. I was taking the methadone daily, then taking 15+ pressed bars(that test for alp) on top of my prescription to them. Over half the days in the past few years I have also IVed fentanyl and cocaine as well. They only kept me just out of grand mal seizure, and didn't care about the opiate withdrawn symptoms, and fentanyl and oxymorphone are the some of the worst withdraws I've ever had in my life.
Most of my reasoning for not wanting to live has always been my mental health issues. All this drug use, is just a symptom of my deep rooted issues. Those roots are close to beginning their decomposition.
It's time to CT MF B.
I don't have a date set, I am not the type of person that can say on my B-day, I'm done. I am much more spontaneous and impulsive. I stay suicidal essentially 24/7, with obsessive thoughts over it. The 4 attempts I've had, have all been on very bad days, when I just knew I couldn't go on. All four landed me in icu and then all the shit that follows, such as psych ward etc. One was long term rehab to relearn speech and everything, while security watched me in my room because after I started to get better, I kept taking off all things helping me survive and trying to run out of the hospital because I was withdrawing from the amount of benzos I was doing as well as IV fentanyl habit and methadone. They only gave me my regular 90mg methadone and 2 2mg xanax a day. I was taking the methadone daily, then taking 15+ pressed bars(that test for alp) on top of my prescription to them. Over half the days in the past few years I have also IVed fentanyl and cocaine as well. They only kept me just out of grand mal seizure, and didn't care about the opiate withdrawn symptoms, and fentanyl and oxymorphone are the some of the worst withdraws I've ever had in my life.
Most of my reasoning for not wanting to live has always been my mental health issues. All this drug use, is just a symptom of my deep rooted issues. Those roots are close to beginning their decomposition.
It's time to CT MF B.
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