I’ve started writing my suicide note

[snuffcore]

I'm not sure why I'm doing it. It'll probably take me at least a month to try and CTB again, if I gather enough courage. Hell, who knows, maybe it could take months before what I'm writing becomes necessary, or even years, and by then whatever I wanted to express will be entirely different and I'll have to get rid of this current note. Maybe, somehow, things will truly get better now, and I'll never think of these dark actions ever again.

I don't know. I'm scared even now. I can feel my heart beating fast even if I don't intend to take immediate action. I'm so fucking weak.

 

[Borabora]

Don't be too hard on yourself snuffcore. You are not weak. We are all human. My time is approaching. I don't feel need to leave ctb note. When I read about completed ctb'ers who used jumping, firearm, train decapitation & hanging methods, I wish I had their guts. Then I read children as young as 6 ctb via hanging & I don't have backbone to do it (if i did, I would not still be here), I feel useless. - Sending you love & light.

 

[snuffcore]

Don't be too hard on yourself snuffcore. You are not weak. We are all human. My time is approaching. I don't feel need to leave ctb note. When I read about completed ctb'ers who used jumping, firearm, train decapitation & hanging methods, I wish I had their guts. Then I read children as young as 6 ctb via hanging & I don't have backbone to do it (if i did, I would not still be here), I feel useless. - Sending you love & light.

Thank you, sending you hugs as well.

It's such a bitter irony... Living is hard and painful for people like us, yet actually ending things takes a lot of courage and even luck.