Venting I've got a real bad case of the old SI

[BluesRunTheGame]

Every rational part of me is like, 'Just ctb already!', yet here I am, not doing that. It makes me sick.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

I feel you. I'm like "give me a single reason I need to continue" to my mind and come up with nothing every time. It's been this way for a while now. But I still can't do it. A few months ago I had a very strong urge (having just lost my job) but now it's reduced for no reason. I still fantasize about it a lot but just can't get myself to make a move. Maybe it needs a specific, active trigger rather than a passive "whats the point of continuing" feeling? IDK.

 

[Mr. Incapable]

Me too. I'm currently sitting here thinking about how in theory I could go to my bedroom right now, hang myself and 15 minutes later I wouldn't have to experience any part of life anymore.. but here I am.. still sitting because I have a huge lack of energy and I think of all the times I put my head in that ligature but I wasn't able to go through with it because of SI and fear..

 

[alKokNo]

Me too. I'm currently sitting here thinking about how in theory I could go to my bedroom right now, hang myself and 15 minutes later I wouldn't have to experience any part of life anymore.. but here I am.. still sitting because I have a huge lack of energy and I think of all the times I put my head in that ligature but I wasn't able to go through with it because of SI and fear..

we all understand you. SI is tough. I also have exacerbations and then unfortunately it goes away because of the survival instinct. I hope that when the time comes, SI will not interfere with us much

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course ctb can be very difficult as the survival instinct is determined to keep us suffering, even know we want to be gone. I believe that there are many people trapped here in horrible lives all because it is so hard to leave this life behind. Existing really is torture and I wish that dying is as easy as peacefully passing away in our sleep.