Cosmiq
Student
- May 7, 2020
- 197
The past week or so it feels like a lot of people go together and started reaching out hardcore towards me, but it's too late.
It's difficult to describe, I'm not angry but it's like someone telling you a joke you've heard in order to cheer you up or trying to make something happen when the opportunity passed. I've felt like this for a long time. I knew regardless of how high my hopes ever got, that at some point I'd want to end it on my own terms.
It's odd, I'm not angry or upset at them for trying, I'm more irritated that society has created the idea that this is how you save someone from suicide. These things won't save me, it's like my mom might as well try to convince me the tooth fairy is real.
I think it starting to set in for my family and they're probably not fully aware of the reality. It won't be a surprise when I ctb.
Suddenly trying to improve or strengthen a relationship doesn't help if now when we never worked on the foundation in the first place.
I'm just venting, I hate that my phone suddenly started getting a lot of messages at random this week, and that society would have tried to convince me it's a sign. But really it just would a trap for more suffering and me at a later point regretting not ctb sooner.
It's difficult to describe, I'm not angry but it's like someone telling you a joke you've heard in order to cheer you up or trying to make something happen when the opportunity passed. I've felt like this for a long time. I knew regardless of how high my hopes ever got, that at some point I'd want to end it on my own terms.
It's odd, I'm not angry or upset at them for trying, I'm more irritated that society has created the idea that this is how you save someone from suicide. These things won't save me, it's like my mom might as well try to convince me the tooth fairy is real.
I think it starting to set in for my family and they're probably not fully aware of the reality. It won't be a surprise when I ctb.
Suddenly trying to improve or strengthen a relationship doesn't help if now when we never worked on the foundation in the first place.
I'm just venting, I hate that my phone suddenly started getting a lot of messages at random this week, and that society would have tried to convince me it's a sign. But really it just would a trap for more suffering and me at a later point regretting not ctb sooner.
