It’s not you (world), it’s me

[KayKay]

Most days, I like the world, and people, and life generally.

Logically, I know I'm blessed. I have very many things I am so grateful for. That should make me happy. That others don't have. A loving family and nice home, a job I love, physical health, no financial concerns.

I'm not trying to humble brag. Because all this just makes me want to CTB more. Because something is so wrong with me that I can't enjoy the wonderful life I've built and worked so hard for.

When I was a child and teenager I dreamed I'd just be happy if could escape my parents and achieve all these things.

And 20–30years on I have achieved all these things. And I've tried so hard - I've had years of meds and every type of psychotherapy and mindfulness and meditation and diet and exercise and holistic approaches every other thing your meant to do.

And I still want to die everyday. So, it me. o can't fix whatever it is in me. And I'm too tired now to keep trying. I just want to sleep.

Does this make any sense to anyone else? Or maybe I'm just whinging :(

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Hey....chill out for a second. Look, if this is how YOU feel, then there is no right or wrong. It's simply you trying to tell people, "Look. I am broken. Help. Please...." Absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is understandable, wanting to exit when you cannot enjoy life. It can be a hopeless feeling when you try to change the way you feel and yet nothing helps. Maybe some people are just not meant for life. In my case, I dislike everything, I cannot stand people and I want absolutely nothing to do with life. It does make sense though, the way you feel. I know that I would want to die, no matter what my circumstances are. I hope you find peace.

 

[Snake of Eden]

It makes alot of sense and I relate alot. I am broken in similar way and there are no fixes after trying everything there to try to help with it. and no matter how others keep persisting that there is. Sometimes we have to resign that we are just broken beyond repair. End of story