I’ve gotten everything I want and now I can only blame myself

[burninghill]

I've got a boyfriend, dental care, friends, money, freedom. I've had sex, I've tried drugs, I've been kissed, I've been in love. At some point, I thought one of these things could make me want to live or get better and none of them have. It's over for me.

 

[finaldestination22]

yeah I understand so well my mental health actually went to shit after I achieved my dreams, when I was poor and hungry that motivation was my fuel and nothing put me down.

Once i started to make it i've become way more lonely and that empty feeling got so big it started to crush me. biggest deception of my life was when I achieved everything I thought i wanted only to be left feeling as empty as ever. I guess some people just have a void in them that can't be filled

 

[SASU-KE]

We are innately broken and damaged. All those things are extraneous. Don't really help.

 

[ilovenewyork]

How old are you?

 

[burninghill]

I feel so sick with myself. I'm horrible and ungrateful. I wish I had a real reason to kill myself. The only thing I have to complain about is the fact I have too much good in my life.

I wish I could wake up a totally different person with this same life. I want to be somebody worth dating, worth buying things for, worth being friends with, worth raising. My mum didn't go through life-changing trauma and 20 years of money and effort just to raise some suicidal freak who's never satisfied.

All I do is lay in bed and stare at my ceiling and hope something changes because I don't have the energy to do any of it myself. I don't think I will ever change.