It’s hard to accept that I’m scared of dying

[burninghill]

I'm not scared of dying in a psychological sense but moreso in the physical way.

The closer I get to death the more I think about the rails. I think the part I was most scared about during my last attempt was the underside of the train, realistically I'd never see it but it still scared me. Realistically I know I'd only feel a moment of fear as the tracks start to rumble and then it would all go away.

It's natural and normal to be scared and that's okay but I still find it hard to accept sometimes. Sometimes I want to pretend that I don't care about the moments between laying there and dying but I do. I wish I wasn't scared, I wish none of us are scared. Hopefully I can drink myself into oblivion and destroy what's left of my bodies will to survive.

 

[Claymore7274]

it is, it is indeed fucking terrifying, i battle with these thoughts too, it's debilitating

 

[peacebenow]

It is normal to be scared and maybe accepting that will help you.

 

[flyingangel]

I remember ODing, and afterwards I was trying to get myself to sleep, and I felt intensely, for a second, the fear of death. I didn't make myself vomit because I realized I was more scared of life
Alas, that attempt failed

 

[SASU-KE]

The closer I get to death the more I think about the rails.

Are you afraid of going off the rails? OK, I'll stop.


I don't believe when my time comes, I'll be afraid. Every day is making me a bit more certain. Like you, I intend to have alcohol on that day. Process is simple. The noose tied on my pull up bar. Chug as much alcohol as I can,put my head in the noose and stand on a flimsy stool.

Should take a few minutes,I won't be conscious for it.

 

[bhaloo]

Dude I have so much respect for people who have the courage to CTB. I have had sucidal thoughts all my life but I could never get myself to do it, because every method is terrifying.

Few days ago I overdosed on Meth twice and went to Emergwncy. It was terrible … I felt my heart will explode

 

[The Disqualified]

Dude I have so much respect for people who have the courage to CTB. I have had sucidal thoughts all my life but I could never get myself to do it, because every method is terrifying.

I mean, I don't think all methods are terrifying for me.
But death by train seems horrible and gruesome. SN seems the better option to me as my body will not be dismembered in a horrible way, but I will still die.

I cannot imagine the scene after someone jumps in front of a moving train. It seems horrible, to see such a scene, to see a living being in such a state. It seems horrible to imagine.
I imagine the juxtaposition... of seeing the person in whole, talking to them, laughing with them... and then you see the scene of their... remains...
I see no comfort in that. I think SN would be much better to me. My body would still be there, just dead...

I also wouldn't do it because I know this can be deeply traumatic for the poor soul driving the train, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, even if unentionally.
I think SN is one of the best options out there. I am lucky to have easy access and opportunity to it.

 

[burninghill]

I mean, I don't think all methods are terrifying for me.
But death by train seems horrible and gruesome. SN seems the better option to me as my body will not be dismembered in a horrible way, but I will still die.

I cannot imagine the scene after someone jumps in front of a moving train. It seems horrible, to see such a scene, to see a living being in such a state. It seems horrible to imagine.
I imagine the juxtaposition... of seeing the person in whole, talking to them, laughing with them... and then you see the scene of their... remains...
I see no comfort in that. I think SN would be much better to me. My body would still be there, just dead...

I also wouldn't do it because I know this can be deeply traumatic for the poor soul driving the train, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, even if unentionally.
I think SN is one of the best options out there. I am lucky to have easy access and opportunity to it.

It doesn't matter to me how my body looks honestly. I could be pulp and it wouldn't matter.

 

[TAW122]

I think a significant part of it is also due to the SI (survival instinct) or also known as the self-preservation instinct. All living organisms and living things have it and it is a biological mechanism which has evolved over billions of years to resist death and harm or any form of (potential) suffering. It is a very difficult instinct to overcome and that is why there are many suicide attempts and many fail while only some succeed. Of course, it also depends on the method as well as other variables, but the survival instinct is one of the biggest factors and variables as to such.

 

[Off_Switch]

I plan to use alcohol and do my best to remind myself that I will have to face this fear one day regardless. So I might as well get it out of the way sooner than later.

 

[BradGuy123]

Fear of death is extremely common. I'm not afraid of death itself. I'm afraid of the process of dying. I've seen relatives get some kind of disease and suffer for years before they died. Regarding CTB I've seen videos of people taking SN and they wretch, throw up, and seem uncomfortable. When it comes my time to pass away I hope I go in my sleep and don't suffer. I think a lot of people wish for that but few people get it.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

I plan to use alcohol and do my best to remind myself that I will have to face this fear one day regardless. So I might as well get it out of the way sooner than later.

But how is an overdose of alcohol? Bad or good? Is it painful in any ways?

 

[GodChallengesMe]

But how is an overdose of alcohol? Bad or good? Is it painful in any ways?

I think he/she meant just taking the alcohol to numb the feelings and then proceed with the chosen method. Alcohol intoxication by itself is a non-method for sure.

 

[Off_Switch]

But how is an overdose of alcohol? Bad or good? Is it painful in any ways?

Alcohol is for courage. I plan to lay my neck down on the tracks.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

Wasn't you the guy who had another plan to die, or it was always this your way?

 

[burninghill]

Wasn't you the guy who had another plan to die, or it was always this your way?

Nah I've never had an alternative method. Been set on trains since I joined.

 

[Redhand5]

Honestly there is a lot to be afraid of. Fear is a human trait so don't feel bad about it. In my attempts I've feared failure, incompletion, and waking up. I fear that more than the physical act of it.
Have you chosen a method? I've tried the night night method several times, a few times today in fact, and it didn't work. I don't know if it's my method or if my SI kicked in and made me stop before it would've worked.
How I get over the fear is by focusing on my reason for doing it, and replaying certain events from my life over again. It doesn't necessarily prevent fear but more gives me a swell of courage to commit I guess.

 

[bhaloo]

CTB requires super human courage and not all humans have it. I need some courage to be able to do it. I know some day I'll have it for sure